24 Hours, 24 Beers

That's the kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!

2012-02-08T13:56:00.000-08:00

What?

Oh President Assad, when will you ever learn? It's been reported by Israeli newspaper Haaretz that Anonymous has hacked into the email of 78 members of the Syrian president's staff and that their passwords were.....wait for it............"12345".

Seriously.

Hey, remember SOPA and PIPA?

2012-02-02T12:18:00.001-08:00

Of course you do. While those bills seem to have been (temporarily) defeated, Lamar Smith, main sponsor of SOPA and noted asshat, is at it again with the Internet Snooping Bill.

Yay! Comcast will record everything you do on the internet ever!

Instead of draconian censorship and attacking free speech, this would institute monitoring of extremely private activities, personal information, pretty much the whole Orwellian omelet. All in the name of protecting children from internet pornography because too many irresponsible parents don't know how to use their computers.

Credit card numbers? You bet!

Passwords? Of course!

Looking at the hot girl from high school on facebook and even though she's pregnant now and still living in Port Orchard and you still totally would and wait what? Somebody sees you!

I know much of this is ignorance in the general operation of the internet, but considering it is always coming from Republicans and lobbying firms, I'm going to assume there is a liberal dose of pure evil sprinkled in as well. The Daily Show ran a mash up a few weeks ago of Congress persons mumbling on about the bills and pretty much the only common thing is they all say "nerds" and then high five their brahs.

Shit I didn't even know existed

2012-02-01T20:17:00.000-08:00

First, I read the last post and it is nerdarific but I won't leave a comment because it will probably irritate Brett.

Second:

Crazy presentation of 19 yr old Al Sharpton giving a "black" award to James Brown on soul trane.

RIP Don. Thanks for always representing Jeff's people.

As a side note, if you don't read this, you are racist.Just sayin'

40 Feet to Discovery or Doom

2012-02-01T12:48:00.000-08:00

The Russians are 40 feet from reaching the surface of Lake Vostok. What the shit is Lake Vostok you ask? And what's the problem with going 40 feet? Well, Lake Vostok is no ordinary lake and how we approach those last 40 feet may determine how we search for life on other worlds.

Lake Vostok from spaaaaaaaaace
NASA Goddard Space Flight Center

Vostok is a big ass subglacial rift lake that was buried by ice (possibly) between 15 million and 25 million years ago. It has been environmentally isolated since before the time of man and we're now 40 feet of drilling away from it. The Russian team (or its latest incarnation) that's heading up the survey of the area since the 1950s has been drilling for over a decade and has stopped several times in order to reassess their technique so as not to contaminate the lake. The way they intend to go forward and the success of that attempt will determine how we may proceed if we're able to explore some of the frozen moons in our own solar system. I know this is a departure from sports and it's national signing day, but I though this was pretty cool and deserved some discussion. Here's a youtue video on Lake Vostok to sate your curiosities (yay iframe!).

EDIT: I totally forgot about the whole doom part! There's a small possibility that when they reach the lake it will have such a high concentration of oxygen and nitrogen dissolved in it that the whole thing will go all diet coke and mentos on the Rooskies and send a huge ass geyser right back up the bore hole and wipe out about 1/3 of the lake. This thing is about the size of Lake Ontario and turning 1/3 of it into water vapor could seriously fuck up the atmosphere over Antarctica and maybe screw with the rest of us. But you, outside chance.

Husky Basketball 2011-2012. The "are we any good?" edition.

2012-01-30T11:22:00.000-08:00

Mamta Popat / Arizona Daily Star
Let's start citing photo sources!

It's tough for me to catch Husky basketball games down here. They just aren't on TV unless they're playing UCLA (people give so little of a shit about USC basketball that they're not always televised. Seriously) so I have been reliant on recaps and blogs and tweets from Softy for my news. As March approaches, I take a look at the standings and honestly wonder if we're going to be a team that can do something in the tournament, or even if we're going to make the tournament at all. This past weekend's win vs. Arizona really helped the Dawgs by putting them in a tie for 1st in the Pac, but with a fairly weak overall record of 14-7, they're not going to be considered favorites by anybody once tourney time rolls around.

I guess what I am asking is for those of you who have seen the games, how do we looks? Are we good and just underachieving, or are we really one of the better teams in a conference that's having a very down year?

boo hoo it snowed

2012-01-18T21:11:00.000-08:00

This is fucking pussy bullshit

So how many days did they "suspend operations" while we were in school? Fucking ZERO. I know this is a completely irrational rant but I don't care. I feel slighted in some way and want the interwebs to know about it. That's it, I am working from home tomorrow.

Don't even get me started on the rumor that LA may force the use of condoms in porn. Can't imagine how agitated I would be if it didn't snow today.

F$&*ing Badass

2012-01-18T13:47:00.000-08:00

Huskies coaching staff completed
Coach	Position
Justin Wilcox	Defensive coordinator
Dan Cozzetto	Offensive line coach, run game coordinator
Jimmie Dougherty	Wide receivers coach, passing game coordinator
Keith Heyward	Defensive backs coach
Tosh Lupoi	Defensive line coach, defensive run game coordinator
Johnny Nansen	Assistant head coach, recruiting coordinator, special teams coordinator
Peter Sirmon	Linebackers coach
Joel Thomas	Running backs coach, associate head coach, offense
Eric Kiesau	Offensive coordinator, quarterbacks

SOPA and PIPA blow. As a result, Jameson and I are bored.

2012-01-18T11:56:00.000-08:00

The interwebs are abuzz today because of several blackouts to popular websites, news aggregators and the like in protest of SOPA and PIPA, two draconian bills in discussion in the US House of Representatives and US Senate respectively. While for the most part I enjoy a good protest, the real amusement has been the panicked reaction of the internet's lowest common denominator. Jameson kindly pointed me to a link (yes, a gawker link) that had accumulated several of the most panicked of "OMG WIKIPEDIA IS BLOCKED" tweets and they provided a fair amount of amusement.

So I guess, for now, I am going to do two things:

1.) I am going to tell congress to eat a bag of dicks and scrap PIPA and SOPA, and I am going to do so using the best tool that the internet has ever provided: a cat .gif.

2.) I am also going to make a desperate plea to all of you ass-hats to provide some entertaining content while we suffer through the doldrums of internet silence today. I am going to see if I can't find a way to enable HTML in the comments and then you can post away. How about we turn today into a nice little .gif contest?

how about some JBrew!!!

2011-10-03T08:20:00.000-07:00

Who wants to agree with the Brewery this morning

I know you want to do it. You can be all over this one and agree without showing your true hidden love for JBrew!!!

So R.E.M. broke up

2011-09-22T19:29:00.000-07:00

I'm not sad about that. They made some good music and some really shitty music and have been around a long time. They are partly to blame for Coldplay. If you like Coldplay, please get into my rocket to the sun. It just got me thinking, what other bands do I wish would break up? Here's a list:

1. The Red Hot Chili Peppers
2. Sublime (seriously just stop it with that replacement singer shit)
3. Foo Fighters
4. Weezer
5. The Beastie Boys
6. Soundgarden (stop it, you sniff the farts of Alice in Chains as it is)
7. Smashing Pumpkins (I loved you but you're killing me)
8. Jane's Addiction (go fuck yourself, they sucked)
9. Pearl Jam

I'm sure you could add your own. Discuss mothafuckas!

Aw, Cougs......Don't ever change.

2011-07-18T09:05:00.000-07:00

Jameson is an excellent ecdysiast

2011-07-11T20:39:00.000-07:00

Didn't want to think about how Randall was spot on when he predicted "season over".

M's Pessimism Runs Rampant, Figgins Organizes Drumcircle @ Seattle Center

2011-06-20T12:27:00.000-07:00

2 games over 500 and we still can find things to complain about.

I love our fans because even the people who cover our beloved NW teams find ways to complain about being over .500 and taking 2 of 3 from a superior ball club. Also love the impending doom expressed about the starting rotation. understand the logic, and am not exactly disputing it, but I am going to stay blissfully ignorant at this time. We could just be happy about an M's team that isn't sucking yet....or whatever.

Chuck Klosterman Jumps the Shark

2011-06-10T08:54:00.000-07:00

So Bill Simmons has a new website that ESPN is pimping the ever-loving shit out of, and it's terrible. I have a feeling this will be a rich vein of inane opinions for a long time to come. I don't think all that's surprising. What is surprising is that BS is friends with people who I actually admire for their ability to write some funny shit. It's too bad that this looks like this Grantland thing will be the end of Chuck Klosterman. Maybe Billy has shitty weed? I dunno, but there's no excuse for this shit:

Space, Time and DVR Mechanics

My life is broken into two halves. They're not equal halves, but sometimes they feel that way.

Then those aren't halves are they?

The first half is spent trying to figure out how reality works, if time is real, and what it means to be alive; the other half is spent scheduling my life around sporting events I am compelled to watch, even though I don't care who wins and won't remember anything significant about the game in two weeks' time.

Let's go at this backwards, because, I mean, holy fucking shit. What's compelling about a sporting event you have no stake in? You sound mentally ill. If you don't remember anything in two weeks time, I'm pretty sure you weren't compelled to watch in the first place and also, sometimes, games are boring. But to speak to you're nonsense metaphysical, navel-gazing, search for answers to the universe, fuck you. Let me know when you start studying the universe and the human mind and physics and are done writing reviews of Chinese Democracy. This already sounds like druggy crystal-powered woo.

It makes no sense: All winter long, I'm constantly trying to catch random mid-major college basketball games between second-tier teams going nowhere, all while realizing I can't remember who played in the Final Four just three years ago. It's a (very minor) paradox. But a less minor paradox is why the achievement of my second goal is so consistently unsatisfying, even though technology has made it remarkably simple.

Maybe you need to just read these things back to yourself. But thanks for acknowledging how stupid this is and then plowing on for 25 more paragraphs. The 2008 Final Four was comprised of Memphis, UCLA, Kansas and UNC and if you can't remember the ridiculously awesome national championship game then you clearly don't give a shit about college bball and never have and you're just outright lying in print and being paid for it. The shit went into OT for fuck sakes.

This is where the two halves of my life intersect.

Halves don't intersect, they meet. You must be blazing right now.

If that statement makes no sense, let me rephrase it as a straightforward question: Why is watching a prerecorded sporting event less pleasurable than watching the same game live?

Nothing you've said thus far has made any sense. I'm going to rely on my personal experience here and tell you that watching delayed March Madness in no way detracted from my enjoyment of the games and in fact enhanced it because I could wait until my friends showed up. But hey, I'm not compelled to watch shit or something. Fuck you twice.

This phenomenon is inescapable (I'm sure some might disagree, but not any sports fan I've ever met). It's going to be the principal issue TV audiences have with coverage of the Summer Olympics since live events in London will almost never match up with the prime-time window when NBC will want to show them. For most North Americans with normal jobs, the 2012 Olympics will not be experienced as living history; they will be experienced as recent history. And that will create the same intangible loss.

The Olympics is only an issue because NBC sucks so bad. The schedule is always confusing as fuck and other channels do a way better job of hitting you with live shit. It's really not that difficult to stay away from highlights normally if you want to preserve the experience. You might just be dumb.

It doesn't matter how much I sequester myself or how thrilling the event is — if I know the game has finished, it's difficult to sustain authentic interest in what I've recorded. I inevitably fast-forward to the last two or three minutes (even when I have no vested interest in the outcome).

Authentic interest? What the fuck does that even mean? If you're not interested in the outcome, then aren't you wasting your time so you fast-forward to the end or something? This sounds like you at least have a disorder. Some kind of sado-masochism is happening here.

Since I'm watching the game purely for entertainment, it shouldn't be any different from the real thing. It should, in fact, be better, just as it's more enjoyable to watch self-recorded episodes of Frontline or Storage Wars or any other traditional show that lives inside my DVR. In theory, I should be able to enjoy every single game I want to see, on my own schedule — all I need to do is avoid the Internet for a few hours and not glance at the ESPN ticker on public TV screens. But it never works: I get home, I start watching the recent past, and I find myself rushing toward the present.

I don't think you are being entertained if you need to skip to the end to find out what happened when you don't care about the outcome. Is this just turning into some metaphorical writery bullshit? Frontline, by the way, is not entertaining most of the time. Compelling, sure. But they make me think some dark fucking thoughts about the fate of humanity. Or maybe sex slavery is a joke to you?

So why is this?

I believe there are five reasons this happens. I've broken them down into two categories — the rational explanations (which play a minor role) and the irrational explanations (which matter way more).

Here, you again admit that this is all bullshit, irrational, useless word vomit. Please don't let me stop you, continue stealing money.

The Rational

1. The removal of commercials erodes drama: If I record a sporting event, there's no way I'm sitting through the commercials. That would be like volunteering for a DUI. One of the central pleasures of self-recorded TV is eliminating our forced exposure to advertising. Yet this is probably an error, at least when consuming sports. It's during those moments when nothing is happening that the drama of a game becomes most palpable; this is why static sports like baseball and golf generally feel more gut-wrenching than fluid sports like soccer and hockey. By purposefully skipping all the game breaks, I'm inadvertently skipping the gaps that manufacture tension. I should probably just sit through every commercial and let the tension build. But I'll never do that, because that would make me an idiot.

This sounds pretty irrational to me. When there's a commercial break I feel myself being taken out of the imitation drama that a game provides. Gut-wrenching is not the way I would describe golf or baseball, I would use the opposite of that. Commercials do not manufacture tension. That is fucking retarded. Writing this shit is actually what's making you seem like an idiot.

2. By watching a game after the fact, I am consciously distancing myself from the actual experience: Do you remember the controversy following Ricky Gervais' hosting of the Golden Globe Awards? In all likelihood, it's the only thing you remember about the Golden Globes, if you remember them at all: Gervais made a handful of funny, mean-spirited jokes about The Tourist and Charlie Sheen and Scientologists, and it probably changed the trajectory of his entire career. But here's the twist — the reaction to those jokes varied wildly, depending on how and when you saw them. If you watched those clips on the Internet a day later, they didn't seem remotely problematic (if anything, they came across as a bit obvious). But people watching the show live on TV were more polarized, and people who attended the event in person were actively disturbed (even if they weren't necessarily targeted or offended).

I don't even know you're saying. Ricky Gervais is pretty awesome. Mean-spirited? I don't think so. Most Hollywood types are too busy sucking their own dicks to develop one ounce of humanity or good humor so it looked like he was being mean. He's a comedian and that is what they do. If it were directed at me I would laugh my ass off if it was funny. Stupid people get offended. It's not like he said "I fucked your mother, she was a filthy whore." Fuck Charlie Sheen, Fuck Scientology and fuck you three times.

This, I suppose, is a nonstoned way to describe the (completely unscientific) concept of "levels of reality." The celebrities and media members in the same room with Gervais were experiencing a "hard reality" — they were sharing the same space in real time, and they were tangibly connected to what was happening. If someone in the room was humiliated, they could feel that humiliation; they could look over at Robert Downey Jr. and watch him pretend not to care. For people watching live on television, it was a "soft reality" — they were sharing time, but they weren't sharing space. TV audiences were surprised by what Gervais was saying, but it still looked and felt like television (the participants seemed less like actual people and more like actors playing themselves). For those of us who watched those same clips 24 hours later, there was pretty much no emotive response whatsoever; if you liked (or didn't like) the jokes, it was for personal or aesthetic reasons. The entire affair was now a construction (i.e., the softest reality possible).

Uh, are you going to talk about how you don't like DVRed sports still? I really think the THC munchkins are hitting you right now.

The same thing happens with sports. If you watch a game in person, you're forced to connect with it emotionally (even if you don't want to be there). If you watch it live on television, the network airing the game tries to compensate for your physical distance by maximizing the pertinent details — they shoot the game from the best possible vantage point, they show replays from different perspectives, and they hire announcers to contextualize what you're already seeing. But here's what the networks can't do: They can't make you forget what time it is. They can't trick you into believing that this game is still happening. They can't make you forget that the outcome of the game has been established and that what you're now seeing has been scripted by the rotation of the earth. You know this, and you can't unlearn it.

This is bullshit. I've been to a lot of baseball games and not given half a fuck by the 3rd inning. In general, going to sporting events is way overrated versus watching them from the comfort of your couch. It's not like watching it live would make it play out differently either. I'm not that stupid. I can watch the Daily Show the day after and still enjoy it. I don't really see the difference here. Scripted by the rotation of the Earth? That's just straight clumsy. How high are you, really?

As a result, a 7:05 p.m. Yankees-Red Sox game viewed at midnight becomes the equivalent of watching the 2011 Golden Globes in 2012 — a distant event in which nothing is at stake (even if you want it to be).

Nothing is ever at stake at the Golden fucking Globes. Unless you're an employed by baseball somehow, you have a fucking sickness if you need to watch a random baseball game in the middle of the night that already happened. If you're unemployed, rock on and keep your head up.

3. Recording gives me too much control: This seems backwards, but it's probably common sense. The most reassuring thing about television is that it's a passive experience — it's one-way entertainment. You sit motionless and watch what's happening, and it's totally acceptable to surrender your agency. But if you're watching a game that's already happened, you're constantly forced to decide whether or not it's worth the investment of your time. You suddenly have too much agency. You know you could just walk over to your computer and learn everything important in seconds (i.e., who won, what the highlights were, what the takeaway is), so the play-by-play action needs to be more entertaining than every other life option you have at that moment. As soon as one team takes command, it feels wasteful to wait and see if the trailing opponent makes a comeback. When I watch a bad football game live, I tend to unconsciously place the blame on the players and coaches; this is a misguided and childish reaction, but it's a natural reaction. However, if I watch a bad football game three hours after it has finished, I can only blame myself.

I don't find the passivity of television reassuring. That doesn't make sense. It being passive means very little. Watching any sporting event, movie, tv program always involves deciding whether it's worth the time invested or not. Ideally, that's why reviewers have jobs. To steer people towards things worthy of their limited time on earth. Or did I just blow your mind? I consciously blame the people on the field if the game sucks. They are the only ones who have any ability to affect it. They also make boatloads of cash so there's that too. I can only blame you for this shit too.

1. "Perhaps my personal involvement with this game will impact the outcome": This, certainly, is a crazy thing for anyone to believe. But whenever I discuss this topic with other people, they inevitably allude to the notion of being involved with what they're seeing. There is a massive sector of the populace who think they are partially responsible for what happens in the games they're watching on television; they believe their psychic energy plays a role in what happens to other people in other cities. These consumers tend to fall into one or more of the following categories:

a. People who get mad at total strangers for not standing up and cheering at live events.
b. People who swear at inanimate objects.
c. People who refer to teams composed of people they've never met as "We."
d. People who think God has a vested interest in certain teams' succeeding.¹
e. People who applaud at the conclusion of movies, just in case the director happens to be sitting in the theater.
f. People who worry about Susan Miller.²
g. People who refuse to accept that even "live" TV events are on a seven-second delay.
h. People who set their watch five minutes ahead to fool themselves into being on time.
i. People who are eventually arrested for failed assassination attempts.

These people are mostly idiots, I agree. But I'm pretty sure the delay on live tv is common knowledge.

Now, is this compulsion bad? I suppose it isn't. It's egocentric and baseless, but it increases the degree to which people enjoy sporting events (and since sports are ultimately entertainment, this is good for everyone involved). Yet this perverse, illogical dream is killed by the prerecorded event: If you think your mind and heart play a role in the game you're watching, a DVR'd game is like trying to hug a dead body. Your hopes and desires immediately become irrelevant. Which, of course, they always were — but now you can't even pretend.

If you're stupid enough to believe it in the first place I don't see why you won't still think you can use your mind bullets on a tape delay. And you're saying it's a bad thing to kill retard dreams of people who think like this? Fuck their dreams, in that case, and fuck you four times.

I'm getting really tired of this so let's just skip to the end.

When you watch an event in real time, anything is possible. Someone could die. Something that has never before happened could spontaneously happen twice. When there are three seconds on the clock, not one person in the world can precisely predict how those seconds will unspool. But if something happens within those three seconds that is authentically astonishing and truly transcendent — well, I'm sure I'll find out about three minutes after it happens. I'm sure someone will tell me, possibly by accident. You can avoid the news, but you can't avoid The News. Living in a cave isn't enough. We've beaten the caves. The caves have Wi-Fi.

I don't see the point. So you would rather find out 10 minutes later? Never? You would want to see it on ESPN Classic 5 years from now? Which, by the way, can be kinda cool. I mean it is dope when FSN shows classic Husky games. Isn't this the whole reason ESPN Classic even exists? It can still be fun to watch even though you know the out come and your argument is just fucking invalid.

Geoff Baker is a long winded douchewaffle

2011-06-10T08:07:00.000-07:00

Last night's Mariner game kind of pissed me off. I checked the line up before the game and thought to myself....what the fuck? No Justin Smoak against Justin Verlander? I know Jack Cust hasn't been great, but he's a lefty and still gets on base and not in the line up either? Halman in LF and Carp at DH, Wilson at 2B. I consulted USSM and they basically agreed with me; the M's were punting this game before it started. A team that has been playing well, coming off a great extra innings win, facing one of the best right handed pitchers in baseball, chose to bench 2 of their best lefty hitters and essentially replace Justin Smoak in the line up with Jack Wilson.

Surprisingly, the M's lost and scored only 1 run.

Now, whatever. I'm pissed, but it was Verlander against Doug Fister and with the way the M's hit, they were probably going to lose anyway. But then Geoff Baker, in typical Geoff Baker fashion, had to issue a 10,000 word contrarian diatribe pretty much directly in response to Dave Cameron, with the smarmy title of "Mariners trying to lay groundwork for wins later on".

I will admit I didn't read the whole thing, because I don't have the time to read all that. Which is a lie. I just find it stupid and can only subject myself to so much punishment. But the gist I got was basically that Wedge is trying to send a message to the "non-performers", get rid of egos, you produce you play, blah blah blah blah buttsex. I'll ignore most of the part about Geoff Baker's ego because this how most of his opinion posts on his blog are; too long and stupid and generally taking shots at Dave Cameron. I'm going to go ahead and postulate that Geoffy is a little frustrated and jealous that since he arrived at the Seattle Times, Dave Cameron has gone from a blogger on little website covering the M's to a far more well read and respected baseball writer than Baker himself through his work on the Wall Street Journal, Fangraphs, and ESPN.

But it just pisses me off that there always has to be a response from Baker's blog every time USSM or Lookout Landing decides to criticize the way the M's are run or managed. Bottom line is that the M's have been playing some of their best baseball in years over the last few weeks and they willingly put an inferior line up on the field last night. Justin Smoak has produced and even if he's in mini-slump right now, he has still produced more than Jack Wilson, who has been in a slump for the last 3 seasons. If you want to get Carp and Halman in the line up, fine. See what you've got there and bench Guti for a game or two, who has been atrocious this season.

Jack Cust is not part of the future. Jack Wilson probably won't be on the team at the end of the season. Justin Smoak is an essential piece for the future and he needs to be on the field. The Mariners are inexplicably in the race right now and they have already proven putting the best team on the field is not a priority by leaving Ackley down in triple A while calling up guys like Mike Wilson, Carlos Peguero, Greg Halman, and Mike Carp. Seeing what you have in those 4 guys is definitely part of building for the future, but it's fucking stupid to do that at the expense of at bats for Justin Smoak and Dustin Ackley.

The M's are in the interesting position where playing a lot of their young guys is also the best team, building for the future while simultaneously going for it. Unfortunately, they sporadically choose to do neither. Guys like Adam Kennedy and Brendan Ryan have earned their spots on the field, but the way they chose to "lay the groundwork for future wins" last night was counterproductive. They put a bad line up on the field that was worse because of the match ups and, predictably, they were absolutely embarrassed. Meanwhile, Geoff Baker plays the part of the stooge to take shots at Dave Cameron and argue that every decision the manager makes is correct because how many fucking games have you ever managed?

Winning baseball games is fun, and the last few weeks have been a lot of fun. They've won games with one of the worst offenses in baseball and a defense that hasn't been particularly great. Last night, they made a bad offense worse and Geoff Baker put on his tin foil hat and went to battle in order to defend that decision. That's fucking stupid. Maybe if he spent less time writing down his stupid ass opinions, he wouldn't need to take 8 tropical vacation during the baseball season.

I'm feeling due for a throwback Brewer or Kelley bashing. Maybe one of them will say something dumb today.

(And yes, I'm aware of the irony of the length of this post. Still not as long as a Baker post.)

Guess who remembered the administrative password, bitches?

2011-06-09T10:31:00.000-07:00

This guy.

Here's a celebratory gif.

Email me if you need anything.

Thus begins the Carp era

2011-06-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

First, read this because it is funny.

Second, Mike Carp was called up and Mike Wilson was sent packing. He didn't really get a fair shake but at least he can say he made it and talk about the 28 at-bats he had in the bigs when he is analyzing, broadcasting, etc. I say we call him up to replace Sims. He is fine for football but just seems to try way to hard when it comes to baseball.

My realistic expectations for Carp? .320/30hrs/110rbis and rookie of the year honors. He should become our everyday left fielder and bat cleanup for the next 7-10 seasons being a perennial all-star. Like most M's fans I like to keep it real. Discuss...

Stupid People Act Stupid

2011-06-01T08:03:00.000-07:00

This started where most things seem to start these days, by which I mean Reddit. Here is a tumblr of stupid people posting Onion articles to their facebook walls believing they are serious.

Literally Unbelievable

Maybe I'm being too harsh, but I get tired of the internet anger brigade spinning up over any perceived slight and responding with equally offensive and intolerant comments. It really just saddens me that most of these people aren't smart enough to find the people making fun of them. If it's not posted to Facebook or Twitter, they'll never see it.

Chone sucks...na na na...chone sucks

2011-05-30T21:49:00.000-07:00

At least we won

So I think it is safe to say that he sucks dirty butt. Now he is even looking foolish in the field. He can't hit, he can't run the bases, he field, he doesn't draw walks, and he is an asshole in interviews.

He does have a homerun, though.

He is starting to make Saunders look good at the plate.

Still not sure how his confidence is high. Unless he means "high". As a side note this also contains a "Breuer" that isn't insightful or funny...sucks donkey butt.

"I'm sexy... I'm a scholar... people like me"

Chad Sexington's Comprehensive Guide to the Seattle Storm's 2011 Season

2011-05-26T10:06:00.000-07:00

Your Seattle Storm open the 2011 season as the defending WNBA Champs. Returning the stars from last year's historic title run, the Storm are the favorites to repeat and Seattle couldn't be more excited.

Lauren Jackson!

Sue Bird!

Read on for my comprehensive preview of the Seattle Storm and their players and schedule for what should be an exciting season!

Here's something interesting and awesome instead!

Beast Mode!

2008 Seattle Mariners - Where Are They Now?

2011-05-23T15:56:00.000-07:00

We started this blog in the fall of 2008 posting mainly about Husky Football, Seahawk Football, and Mariner Baseball. I'm sure we all remember my particularly special posts chronically the M's race to draft Stephen Strasburg. To celebrate our triumphant return to blogging, I thought it would be fun to take a look back the group of low functioning morons who made up the M's 2008 Opening Day line up. They did, after all, help launch our existence.

SP - Erik Bedard

Probably the most visible and controversial piece of the M's misguided attempt at contention in 2008, Bedard was shipped from Baltimore prior to the 2008 season in one of the more bizarre "Will they or won't they trades?" most of us have ever seen. After weeks of debate and negotiations, Bedard finally landed in Seattle in exchange for 5 players, including prized OF prospect Adam Jones, top organizational pitching prospect Chris Tillman, and lefty specialist George Sherill. Despite the high cost, the trade was fairly well received in Seattle by many such as myself and a number of other people who refuse to admit to it now. The opposition to the trade was most notably led by Jerry Brewer, which is something to keep in mind for those of you getting ready to serve me up another dish of crow.

Anyhooters, Bedard opened the season for the M's amid much fanfare and hope for a return to the postseason. His opening day line of 5 innings, 106 pitches, 1 run, 3 hits, 4 walks, and 5 K's against the Rangers was met with cliches like "gritty", "gutsy", "tough", "competitive", and "doing what it takes to give his team a chance". A line which would now be described as "typical Bedard", "pussy", "sissy", and "wiener kid", most of which would be scribbled onto a brick Steve Kelley chucked through the window into Erik Bedard's bedroom. Unfortunately, that was probably the high point of the lefty pitcher's tenure in Seattle thus far as his 2008 season and most of his 2009 and 2010 seasons were derailed by injury. Injuries which the media used to insult him and make fun of him, but were later revealed to be extensive, excruciatingly painful, and career threatening. Members of the media did, of course, issue full apologies when the M's acknowledged the full extent of the damage to Bedard's hip and shoulder.

Erik Bedard remains a member of the Seattle Mariners and has had a reasonably effective start to 2011, especially considering he basically hasn't pitched in over 2 years. He and the Mariners continue to show a surprising amount of loyalty to each other with the aspiration that Bedard can return to something more than a shadow of the pitcher he once was. The lefty has even come out and admitted to the frustration he has felt over the last 3 years and acknowledging the fans right to disappointment considering the high price paid to acquire him. He even hinted at a sense of obligation to try to live up to the hype that surrounded him when he arrived. This is either Bedard being a stand up, responsible guy or an epic trolling job of the local media. Possibly both. Hopefully both.

CF - Ichiro Suzuki

The "CF" is not a typo as this was actually the 2nd year in which Ichiro was moved from RF, a fact conveniently forgotten by the Ichiro haters who claim he is a selfish player who refuses to play CF. But haters gonna hate, so whatever. The fact was that Ichiro was simply average to good in CF where he cannot influence the game as much with his arm strength.

Of course, Ichiro remains the longest tenured member of the Seattle Mariners and, at 37 years of age, continues to defy typical aging curves in terms of his batting average, speed, and defense. His season batting average sits at .292, so it remains to be seen if this is the first year he hits under .300 but that doesn't seem likely. The real question seems to be in what uniform will he get his 3000th hit? With 1 year left on his deal and 2299 career hits, that hit will probably come some time in 2014. He's going to get it, but is it important enough to the M's to keep him around to do it in Seattle?

Probably.

2B - Jose Lopez

Loafy entered 2008 as the 24 year old 2B of future, looking to build on a strong finish to 2007. He was the hitting star of the M's 5-2 Opening Day victory, going 2 for 4 with 2 RBIs and a run scored and a caught stealing. He didn't actually have a terrible 2008 season, batting .297 with 17 dingers and 41 doubles, but he displayed his typical lack of patience at the plate with only a .322 OBP. At one point, he actually managed the remarkable feat of having a batting average higher than his on-base percentage.

This lack of discipline at the dish and declining defense that would go on to make Loafy the square peg in Jack Z's round hole (tee hee). The M's new GM attempted to trade him about 3,684 times before finally designating him for assignment before the 2011 season and shipping him off to the Rockies for a stapler and a box of Tic Tacs. Some thought the change of scenery to a more right handed hitter friendly Coors Field would do him good, but it turns out he just sucks. Which is really kind of sad when you think about the promising start to his career and the fact that he is still only 27 years old.

LF - Raul Ibanez

Raul Ibanez didn't do much on Opening Day 2008, but he went on to have a quietly productive, typical Ibanez year minus the injuries, actually playing in all 162 games. He was able to leverage that into a huge contract with the Phillies and enjoyed a career resurgence in the first half of 2009. He's been a decent hitter with the Phils and he still remains awesome at defense.

gifs courtesy of Lookout Landing

The interesting thing came more after Ibanez left, when he was one of several Mariners to come out and publicly bitch about the club house atmosphere in Seattle, mainly Ichiro. For a guy who had always cultivated the quiet, workman type of reputation, Ibanez came off looking like kind of a whiny bitch.

1B - Richie Sexson

Richie Sexson came in to 2008 with some modest expectations thanks to a strong finish in 2007. But Richie sucked like he usually sucked and was cut halfway through the season. The Yankees picked him up shortly after the M's cut him and he played in about 20 games before being cut again, mostly on account of still sucking. He hasn't played since, presumably because he still sucks.

"I have a Richie Sexson Bobblehead glued to my dashboard --
and I can't get the damn thing off!"

3B - Adrian Beltre

Adrian Beltre had a decent Opening Day in 2008, going 2 for 4 with an RBI, and went on to have a typical Beltre like year: decent power, middling average, hacking at everything, great defense. It says a lot about both Bill Bavasi and the fan base that Beltre was probably one of the former GM's best free agent signings and no one really knows it. Adrian was a decent player for the M's, but could never live up to his monstrous 2004 season.

With the front office change before the 2009 season, fans entered 2009 with high hopes for both the team and their 3rd basemen. It was, after all, a contract year for him coming off a fairly strong 2008. Instead, Beltre battled injuries all year, playing in only 111 games with 8 home runs. He was forced to sign a 1 year deal with the Red Sox as the best deal available, moving from one of the worst right handed home hitting parks in the majors to possibly the best in the process. To say the results were predictable is not entirely fair, but he went on to have his best year since his 2004 campaign, finishing 7th in all of baseball in WAR and being rewarded with another large contract, this time in Texas.

Hey, at least we know he can't really hit that well at Safeco.

RF - Brad Wilkerson

Forget he was on the team? Yeah, me too.

Adding Wilkerson was a move that seemed to make a lot of sense for both sides before the season started; Jose Guillen had just signed with KC and Wilk was a lefty outfielder with some pop who knew how to take a walk. With Ichiro shifting to CF and Adam Jones on his way to Baltimore, it seemed only a matter of time before the M's added him over the winter, and they obliged.

Unfortunately, by this point in his career, Wilk was more a guy that stood around in the vicinity of right field than an actual right fielder. This proved to be disastrous with Ibanez already taking naps in a hammock in left, making Ichiro the only one competent at catching the ball in the outfield. This probably could have been overlooked since Jose Guillen had been pretty awful in RF they year before as well. However, the power disappeared and Wilk only appeared able to stand up there with a bat on his shoulder and take a walk.

The intelligent thing to do would have been to find another outfielder and try to platoon Wilkerson at DH for a little while to see if his power started to come back. But this was Bill Bavasi, so Wilkerson was cut before May. Not that it really mattered either way, but the front office sure as hell wasn't going to give up on Jose Vidro.

DH - Jose Vidro

Speaking of which, the M's finally got wise at cut this sack of shit 85 games into the 2008 season, which was probably about 2 years too late. Turbo was never really any good for the M's, getting on base some with absolutely no power. Not exactly what you look for out of the guy who is only paid to hit. If you can't hit and you get cut by the Seattle Mariners, then you're career is probably over. Vidro, Sexson, and Wilkerson never played after 2008.

Looking back, as shitty as Vidro was, he probably provided more production out of the DH spot in 2007 and 2008 than the M's have gotten the last couple seasons. That is a depressing thought.

C - Kenji Johjima

Kenji started off 2008 in the worst slump of his career, pretty much marking the beginning of the end of his career as a major league catcher. All this was amplified when he was given a head scratching 3 year extension through the 2011 season in late April, a move that was probably forced by the Japanese ownership since Bavasi was fired only a few weeks later.

Johjima had a rough 2008 and his struggles continued into 2009. Things got even worse when Jarrod Washburn decided to blame all his struggles on the M's Japanese catcher, publicly airing his frustration with the language barrier and basically calling Kenji stupid. This was puzzling since it had never really been an issue before, but Washburn got his way and Kenji was relegated to more of a bench role. Wash got out to the best start of his career and is also at least partly responsible for subjecting M's fans to 2 years of watching Rob Johnson for which I hope he burns in hell.

This might seem like a Washburn entry, but it's leading up to something, I swear it. After his great start in 2009, the M's were able to ship Washburn to the Tigers for Luke French (shitty) and Mauricio Robles (might be good). The blog reacted appropriately in the time leading up to and right after the trading deadline.

When the Mariners faced the Tigers and Washburn later that August, Kenji got the start at catcher and took his clubhouse nemesis deep in one of the most cathartic home runs I can remember. In fact, 4 M's took Washburn deep that afternoon, hopefully teaching him that maybe he should keep his stupid mouth shut and quit blaming his problems on other people. Washburn retired after the 2009 season, turning down a couple 2 year deals because he felt "underappreciated". What a fucking knob. "Oh know, I don't want to get paid millions of dollars to play baseball because you don't want me enough."

Kenji opted out of his contract at the end of the 2009 season in a move that wasn't entirely unexpected and viewed as mutually beneficial for both parties. The Mariners saved some money to reinvest in someone awesome like Chone Figgins, and Kenji got to go back to Japan and continue his career there.

SS - Yuniesky Betancourt

A prime example that post-prospect hype is a very real thing, Yuni sucked in 2008 and he sucks even worse now. After breaking in as a young, athletic SS in 2005 at only 22 years of age, he just got fatter, slower, less disciplined at the plate, and probably dumber as well. The M's managed to fleece the Royals by getting anything for him in 2009 and he continues to play for the Brewers to this day. He can't hit or field and might be the worst player in baseball and has been replacement level or below since 2007. However, teams still look at him see a shadow of the young prospect who broke in 6 years ago now and think there's still something there. And there's not.

Other Notables

Closer - JJ Putz

Possibly my favorite Mariner during the 2006 and 2007 seasons, JJ saved the Opening Day game in fairly dominating fashion. But soon after, he began to be plagued by injuries and was never really the same for the M's. Before the 2009 season, the Mariners traded JJ along with Jeremy Reed and Sean Green in a 3 way deal with the Mets and Indians. The most notable players this netted the M's were Franklin Gutierrez and Jason Vargas, alone which makes the deal a massive win for the M's. Players like Mike Carp and Endy Chavez got to come along for the ride as well.

After being traded, JJ came out and blasted the M's organization and clubhouse, and the more he talked, the more he seemed like an asshole. I still think he was awesome for his years in Seattle, but he really just comes across as a prick at this point.

SP - Carlos Silva

Ah yes, can't forget him.

Silva was fat and crappy when Bavasi signed him and he didn't really get any better. He was terrible through all of 2008 and he was put on the DL early in the 2009 season for being fat and crappy still. He was another player who continually bitched about the clubhouse and Ichiro and got a reputation for blaming his problems on anyone but himself.

To his credit, he lost some weight during that season and was part of the tickle happy 2009 M's clubhouse that carried Ichiro and Griffey off the field at the end of the season, but fans were excited and relieved when he was shipped off to the Cubs for Milton Bradley in an exchange of bad contracts before the 2010 season. This excitement turned to frustration and anger when Milton continued to be a crazy person who was also bad at baseball while Silva pitched the first half of 2010 like an All Star.

However, this little big of success turned Silva from an asshole into an entitled asshole and he was cut from the Cubs prior to the 2011 season after bitching about how it wasn't fair that he wasn't guaranteed a rotation spot. He currently sits around being paid by the M's and Cubs and occasionally his name will surface when a team needs a starting pitcher, most recently the Yankees. He will probably pitch again some time this season, but he probably won't pitch well.

SP - Felix Hernandez

Fuck. And. Yes.

Felix is a Mariner and is awesome and shall remain a Mariner, despite what Buster Olney or Ken Rosenthal or whoever else says. For some reason, someone came to the conclusion that the M's are basically a glorified farm system for the East Coast teams that ESPN can actually be bothered to cover. Felix is good, so therefore Felix will be traded to the Yankees or Red Sox as soon as they need a really good pitcher. This is stupid.

To quote Lookout Landing, "Felix is ours and you can't have him."

Dunno what Ben is bitching about

2011-05-23T15:47:00.001-07:00

I can post from work just fine.

Welcome back, everyone!

Victoryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

2010-09-13T15:16:00.000-07:00

Dawgs win!

Hawks win!

How long has it been since that's happened? Well, actually, it happened the last time both of them played on the same weekend. December 5th and 6th , 2009.

I guess it just feels like it never happens anymore.

Post something, you BASTARDS!

2010-08-02T12:53:00.000-07:00

Ok, fine....I'll put something together soon, but I can't make any promises on its quality.

Please say this isn't true:

2010-05-19T09:01:00.000-07:00

J.P. Losman can't come to Seattle.
I can't take that on top of the Mariners playing worse than my 7th grade little league team. ROB JOHNSON! DON'T TRY TO ADVANCE TO THIRD ON A SHALLOW SINGLE TO CENTER FIELD, YOU FUCK!

Now what?!?

2010-04-27T19:17:00.000-07:00

I don't even know what this will mean except he gets a bigger paycheck and we start looking for a replacement.

Maybe we can get away with some "USC's" when we start ruling the country!MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

2010-04-26T19:12:00.000-07:00

Locker! Locker! Locker!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.....I need to get home for as many games as possible. I am going to try to go to 4 games this season. I know he isn't going to win but I don't care. It is going to be awesome just watching to see if he gets much coverage. I just can't imagine PAC-10 (not USC) getting coverage.

WHO ISN'T EXCITED FOR COLLEGE FOOTBALL!!!!

Randall does Mel Kiper, Jr.

2010-04-21T09:08:00.001-07:00

Listen up, you fucking assholes.
I'm about to drop some knowledge.

I'm bored and don't feel like doing my work because coding a direction cosine matrix in C to go from Earth Centered, Earth Fixed frame to an East-North-Up frame sounds like communism. I'm also trying to get laid off. So enjoy a fucking mock draft.

1) St. Louis Rams - Sam Bradford

I love how this happens almost every year. Remember when everyone was scolding Sam Bradford for being dumb for coming back another year because he got hurt and it was going to hurt his draft stock? Yeah, about that. So I guess it's a good pick and he's the best QB, so he's a first rounder. Whatever. Some people seem to think he'll be a bust, but who can fucking tell? I hope he blows because he's going to a division rival.

But I will say this: Oklahoma runs a stupid offense that is effective in college but would never work in the pros. They spread the field and stack it with crazy talent and do that stupid bullshit where the entire team gets into formation and looks to the sideline for the play. He also worked almost exclusively from the shot gun. There's going to be a massive learning curve with this guy and he'll probably start from Day 1. It pains me to say it, but Jimmy Clausen is probably the more NFL ready QB because of the style of offense run at ND and he's more used to playing with a bunch of retards. No one knows who will have the better career, but my money would probably be on Clausen.

2) Detroit Lions - Ndamukong Suh

Pop quiz: where is Ndamukong Suh from?

If you guessed Seattle, WA, you'd be wrong. But he is from Portland, OR. Just be glad he didn't end up at another Pac-10 school, or our football team might have been getting it's ass kicked for the last 4 years.

This is what makes the NFL Draft so fucking goofy. Everyone has known that Suh was going to be the best player in the draft for about 8 months now. They guy is an absolute freak of nature, but he won't go #1 because the Rams are married to the idea of taking a QB with the first pick. I guess that's fine, but I'm not sure what makes a team that just went 1-15 feel they have to draft for a need. I know it's hard to find a franchise QB, but it's also hard to find freakishly awesome defensive tackles. My completely amateur opinion is that the chances of Suh becoming a Pro-Bowler than Bradford. He seems like the lower risk pick with a massively high ceiling.

But what the fuck do I know? I miss the old Lions when they would used this pick to draft the fuck out of Dez Bryant or Jimmy Clausen. Because why the hell not?

3) Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Gerald McCoy

These first 3 picks are pretty much set in stone, but I think picks 2 and 3 illustrate why it's goofy to lock yourself into a pick just because of a guy's position. These first 2 defensive tackles are freakishly awesome and probably best 2 players in the draft. But the Rams are still going to draft the Native American system QB with injury questions.

Some of the mock draft analysis I've read has actually ranked McCoy ahead of Suh, which seems to be based mostly on the opinion that McCoy is a better pass rusher than Suh. This is example #234234 of why pre-draft analysis is stupid, subjective, biased, and completely awesome. Ndamukong Suh has played on crappier teams than McCoy for most of his career. Suh had 12 sacks in the 2009, while McCoy had 14 1/2 for his CAREER at Oklahoma. How anyone who watched the Big XII Championship and saw Suh pick up Texas O-Linemen and throw them at Colt McCoy could think he isn't a crazy ass pass rusher is fucking beyond me.

But nooooooooooo...at some stupid pro day or combine, McCoy was able to shuffle a couple blocks back and forth 0.06 seconds faster than Suh and jump an extra half inch. Thus, he has an elite first step while Suh's is just pretty good, making McCoy the better pass rusher.

Suck my ass.

4) Washington Redskins - Jimmy Clausen

Curve ball, bitches.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, they'll probably take an offensive tackle. I don't give a fuck. The Redskins are one of those teams I expect to do something completely retarded and I don't care that Shanahanananananan is the man in charge now. That guy is a fuck face.

The best description I've heard of Jimmy Clausen so far is a cross between Beaker and an Emu. That seems strangely appropriate.

5) Kansas City Chiefs - Eric Berry

A lot of people think they'll go offensive tackle as well, but whatever. They seem to have a penchant for drafting defensive players out of the SEC, and this is the best one available.

6) Seattle Seahawks - Trent Williams

I think this is the pick I prefer. The chances of us being the first team to take an OT are probably about dick, but this is my draft, dickbag. I am also doing it wishful thinking style.

The other 2 top choices for offensive tackles are Russell Okung and Bryan Bulaga. Russell Okung sounds like the most NFL ready, but Williams sounds like the guy with the highest upside. Most of the knocks on him are that he needs to add some bulk and improve his footwork, which all seem like things that can be fixed. I'd be more than okay with Okung also, but Bulaga kind of scares me because it sounds like he's injury prone and has a thyroid condition.

7) Cleveland Browns - Dez Bryant

I don't fucking know, but this seems like a Holmgren pick. Best receiver in the draft and they need to replace Braylon Edwards. I don't really care, because it's the fucking Browns.

8) Oakland Raiders - Bruce Campbell

I guess this guy was an absolute manimal at the combine, which is all Al Davis needs to make a reach and draft a 2nd round talent in the top 10. It would be awesome to get him in Seattle, but I will definitely enjoy watching a bunch of dipshit Raider fans show up with chain saws on their arms. This guy would be their dream come true.

9) Buffalo Bills - Russell Okung

I'm sure the Bills would shit themselves if this guy actually fell to them at this spot, which he almost certainly won't. But this is my mock draft, so fuck off. This pick is almost certainly an OT and is more likely Bryan Bulaga or Anthony Davis.

10) Jacksonville Jaguars - Tim Tebow

Tebow read about this in his history book

Come on...you know this needs to happen.

11 - 13) Stuff, I got bored with this

14) Seattle Seahawks - CJ Spiller

I'm tired of all this stupid debate. Every year we pass on a bunch of offensive skill players in the first round and then complain that we don't have any later in the season. Fucking draft Spiller. He is awesome.

Everything I hate about the Anaheim Los Angeles Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles USA Planet Earth Angels in one article

2010-04-07T09:08:00.001-07:00

Fucking enjoy.

More RR-S goodness.

2010-03-24T20:00:00.000-07:00

I imagine this is what he does in the off-season.

I don't think I would ever get tired of hanging out with RR-S and/or Felix. They just look like they're having so much goddamn fun.

RR-S reports for ESPN on the Mariners magazine cover shoot.

Seriously though, when Bedard comes back, is Rowland-Smith not the best #4 starter in all of baseball?

Hey! Steve Kelley! Leave my team the fuck alone!

2010-03-22T09:16:00.000-07:00

It's time for another finger wagging session from the Seattle Times favorite mother hen, Steve Kelley.

UW's Mattew Bryan-Amanning Develops into a Viable Center

Let's get one thing out of the way right now. I know it's probably semantics and no one really cares, but MBA is much more of a power forward than a center. Honestly, the only two real centers I can remember coming through UW are Todd McCullough and Spencer Hawes. But whatever.

The puzzle comes together slower for most big men. It takes time for their skills to catch up to their bodies. And it takes all of the patience a coach can summon to work through the growing pains, to coax and cajole a big man to greatness.

Yeah, and there was also rumors MBA was the laziest player on the team last year. It can take longer for big guys to develop, but the whole "just relax, it'll happen" attitude is what kept Smiley Ty at UW for 4 years. But MBA took a while to develop, so fair point.

Every post player develops at a different pace. Few come to college ready-made. It's impossible to predict exactly when, how, or if, each will arrive.

Blah blah, filler. You just said the exact same thing twice.

In his first two-and-a-half seasons at Washington, junior center Matthew Bryan-Amaning struggled to match his performance to his potential.

You mean his offense failed to match his potential. He's been a decent post defender and rebounder for a while now. But Steve Kelley only cares about dunks.

And, as he struggled, as he failed to live up to early expectations, the dysfunctional army of anonymous bloggers ripped at him like so many magpies.

These weren't studious breakdowns of Bryan-Amaning's breakdowns. They were venal, personal and, frankly pretty stupid.

For lessons in hypocrisy, Steve Kelley recommends you visit 24 Hours, 24 Beers.

But why is it so many journalists are too fucking stupid to tell the difference between blogs and message boards? What I am doing right now is blogging. Message boards are where everyone from the President to the absolute dregs on humanity can post whatever comes out of their bowels online and use "LOLZ" as a period.

You can do this on blogs too, but no one will read it. Message boards are more often than not the vocal minority. It's not a blog. If you're going to call out bloggers, post a link to a fucking blog.

But no matter how thick your skin or how resilient your will, the criticisms of these cowardly lions of the blogosphere have the ability to sting like a swarm of wasps.

Yeah, kind of like unfairly maligning the career of a certain lefty for the local baseball team. Except you aren't anonymous and you actually have a platform from which you can sway public opinion against a guy.

"It's extremely hard," Washington coach Lorenzo Romar said of the blogger's blasts. "A kid who's 18 years old, he's not reading things like, 'Hey this guy's not as good as we thought.' He's reading stuff that's saying, 'He's a bum. He's a loser. We wish he would get out of here. We can't stand him.'

"Those things hurt. And to come out of that, you have to be pretty strong mentally."

Romar is pure class and standing up for his kids. Whatever. But college athletes aren't above reproach. It's big business that helps to keep you employed, Steve Kelley. You aren't the moral authority.

People get frustrated because people care a lot about this stuff. Is it always fair? No. But I don't recall you ever coming to his defense while this criticism was going on. I can think of a few those "cowardly lions" who did. Those are the them say fuckers who railed against Quincy Pondexter and Justin Dentmon before. Their current punching bag is Isaiah Thomas and occasionally Abdul Gaddy.

In the first five games of this Pac-10 Conference season, Bryan-Amaning averaged 4.2 points and 3.6 rebounds per game.

And, as the blogs raged cacophonously, he kept searching for the light in himself.

Yeah, because everyone was only bitching about MBA as the Dawgs ran out to their AWESOME 2-3 start in the Pac-10.

"You can't control what they say, or what's going on all over the net," Bryan-Amaning said. "I know what's out there. You hear it all the time. People send it to you, so you can see it. But you can't really focus on it. It's something that's out of your hands. So if it's something you can't control, why worry about it."

Good for you, MBA.

Senior Quincy Pondexter endured the same kind of bloggers' wrath his first couple of years at Washington. He knew that, in many cases, the same students who cheered him on game nights, were killing him on blogs.

IT'S NOT BLOGS, YOU FUCKING RETARD.

Was the criticism over the top? Yes, probably. But if you go 0 for 3 with 1 point and get run off the court at home by Oregon, what the fuck do you expect? These people are cheering like crazy because they want you to fucking win.

You know what's really fucking annoying about this? Not that guys like Quincy and MBA are being defended, but it's that they are being defended NOW, way after the fact. It was fine when it was going on and the team was losing, but now that they're winning, all of you are fucking idiots.

And as much as he tried to avoid reading what was written about him, Pondexter knew, almost intuitively, what was being said.

"That stuff kind of puts you in a hole after a while," Pondexter said. "It hurts to have people say those bad things about you, especially when you're so young. I was a teenager. I couldn't really defend myself too much.

"I wanted to prove everybody wrong, but at the same time, you have to let life take its course. Those people have absolutely no clue what they're talking about."

Quincy kicks ass, but some people do have a clue what they're talking about. Some don't.

This season when the burden of the criticism seemed almost too heavy for Bryan-Amaning, Pondexter reminded him, "You're better than them." He told Bryan-Amaning to keep working and, "the world will see what you can do."

"He told me, 'Q, I'm learning from you,' " Pondexter said. "And before you know it, he started playing the way he has. It's added great strength to the team. He's had that capability for a while, but now he's learning how to use it in games."

Good for fucking him. Awesome. It's made the Huskies way better and teammates should pick each other up like that. Too bad Steve Kelley was nowhere to be found when all of this was going down.

In the middle of this season, Bryan-Amaning told a friend of Pondexter's that he was going to finish his junior season on the same kind of roll Pondexter had last year.

"I thought to myself, 'Let's see how this works.' " Pondexter said. "And one game turned into two. Two turned into three. A week turned into three or four weeks. And look how he's playing now. I couldn't be more proud."

It's no coincidence that the Huskies' spurt that has landed them in the NCAA tournament's Sweet 16 has coincided with the awakening of the 6-foot-9 Bryan-Amaning.

It has also coincided with the awakening of Elston Turner, and IT figuring out what an "assist" is, and Justin Holiday finding an offensive game.

Blah blah blah blah blah, the rest is stats about MBA playing well down the stretch, which he has. But once again, those stats pretty much run with the theory that he was, in fact, a complete piece of shit before.

Real World, Quincy and MBA talk about how it's tough sometimes and they knew they were doing things right, but it was tough to persevere through all the criticism.

Steve Kelley's World, MBA and Quincy were huge pieces of shit until they started hitting shots during games and stuffing the stat sheet but fucking shame on anyone who criticized them even on blogs even though I can't link any blogs that did so.

Matthew Bryan-Amaning has silenced the anonymous rabble. Now, all he hears are cheers.

Except when he tries to run around on the perimeter and defend smaller guards and gets into early foul trouble. MBA still isn't above criticism. His fault now is not realizing his own value and taking himself out of games early.

Eat a dick, Steve Kelley. Eat a dick.

The Endless Bounty of the Internet #16

2010-03-12T16:17:00.000-08:00

Is that Boba Fett?

Boba Fett? Where?

Gay Super Bowl Live Blog

2010-03-07T13:31:00.001-08:00

Gay Super Bowl Live Blog

2000-2009, a Decade of Comedy?

2010-03-05T11:05:00.000-08:00

So, the gay Super Bowl is on Sunday. I will be half-assedly watching it, I guess. Unless I'm not. Movies kind of sucked this year and the good shit isn't going to win. But I thought it was as good a time as any to talk about how the last ten years went and throw in my two cents about why the Oscars are painful to watch. So prepare for a trip through the last fuckin' decade.

Basically, the Academy Awards are bullshit because they give comedy the shaft. Personally, I think the last decade was a comedy renaissance. It was like back in the 70's/80's. Then you got The Jerk, Animal House, Life of Brian, Airplane!, Blues Brothers in the span of little more than a year. And it just kept going like that. This decade was a lot like that, I think. I'm going to run this down, let's see how many of these things got nominated.

2000
Admittedly, this was a shitty year for movies in general. The only comedies I can think of were Best in Show and O Brother Where Art Thou. O Brother not getting nominated was bullshit. Gladiator winning was bigger bullshit. That ought to start an argument. This is a rough start. Onward!

2001
The Royal Tenenbaums, I Am Sam. Wait...I'm not supposed to laugh at I Am Sam. Oh. Ok, just two then. SuperTroopers. Okay, now we're getting down on it. Tenenbaums is awesome and seems like the only kind of comedy they are willing to extend any credit to because it has its drama too. I'd call it a dramedy. Nobody steal that, okay? Gene Hackman kicks ass all over that movie. I don't think I laughed once at Amelie, but maybe that's because I'm a cold-hearted bastard. SuperTroopers is exceptionally quotable. I defy you to name a movie that you watched more from this year. But then I almost forgot about Zoolander and I would be fucking stupid not to mention that shit. Having David Bowie in your movie makes it 75% better automatically. And A Beautiful Mind wins? Bitch, please.

2002
Chicago is some kind of all-time low. In a year with so much good shit( Adaptation, About Schmidt, Bourne Identity, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Two Towers, 25th Hour, The Pianist even Minority Report), no, they chose some shitty shitty bullshit. Not much comedy though. About Schmidt was a little amusing, and Episode II came out so I guess you could have continued laughing as your childhood got raped in the ass by a turkey-necked megalomaniac. Van Wilder was probably the only thing I'll still watch and laugh at. Although it forced Kal Penn upon the world so it's kind of a wash. It's like there was some kind of hangover. Like something really tragic and unfunny just happened.

2003
Return of the King. Fine. Good call, really. Lost in Translation was funny to me because Bill Murray is in it, so it is a WIN. Oldboy is funny if you watch it dubbed. Kill Bill is amusing. The clear winner here is fucking Old School. I really miss Will Ferrell in his prime. Except for that tacked on horseshit romance with Grey's Anatomy this would have been one for the ages. Who doesn't know 'earmuffs'? Another year that sucked in general but at least a good movie won.

2004
Fuck Million Dollar Baby in it's face. Let's see, we got Anchorman, Shaun of the Dead, Team America, Dodgeball, Kung Fu Hustle, Mean Girls(abso-fucking-lutely I did) and Van Helsing. Seriously, I have no idea how they managed to make Van Helsing suck but it did it in a tragic and funny way. I liked it better than Clint Eastwood's joint anyway. Sideways is really well acted but only the janitor from wings has funny lines. Eternal Sushine is a good movie too, but it's not funny and too meta. A lot of people called it the best movie of the decade. I call that bullshit. Harold and Kumar is funny, especially if you're very tired. I don't even have anything left to say about Napoleon. I still don't know what to call it but everybody, including me, loves it. Shaun of the Dead is fucking clearly one of the best things ever. I award it a million points. I award Anchorman two million points and Team America 999,999 points. I'll be watching all three of these movies until I'm dead. Anchorman is one of the greatest comedies of all time. Fuck. You.

2005
Same goes for Crash. These movies where there are no characters and just mountains of contrived plot fucking suck. Otherwise, Grizzly Man, as Ron White will tell you, is funny. Werner Herzog is the shit. 40 Year Old Virgin is also awarded a million points. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is fantastic and nothing like what you'd expect. Val Kilmer rocks the shit. If crime was actually that funny I would be a criminal. Some of you are going to say Wedding Crashers. I'm going to say go to hell. After the boob montage, that movie goes to shit. Batman Begins was best picture this year and I will go so far as to say I like it better than Dark Knight. My only problem with it is Ken Watanabe gets wasted. But it is the best origin story of a comic book character ever. Take THAT Superman the movie.

2006
The Departed is entertaining. Leo really started to come into his own. There's some funny shit. Clearly, not Scorsese's best movie but who cares. Borat is all-time comedy hall of fame shit. Bruno was a piss-poor follow-up to something this fucking epic. One of the things I love about my favorite comedians (Zach Galifinakis, Louis C.K., Patton Oswalt) is that they have no problem making things really awkward. Borat does that for 90 minutes. Talladega Nights was funny too, but it drags on and pretty much becomes what it is making fun of by the end. Anyone who hates Will Ferrell should also check out Stranger than Fiction. It's just a good movie. Little Miss Sunshine was not funny except for Alan Arkin and they had the good sense to kill him halfway through. Well played, assholes.

2007
This was arguably the best movie year of the decade. I can't really complain about No Country. I really liked it. It kicked a large amount of ass. And it confused stupid people with its ending. The thing that pissed me off was Zodiac didn't even get nominated. Zodiac is the best movie of the decade. That being said, Superbad also came out this year and was the rare movie that both met and exceeded my expectations. Knocked Up was pretty fucking funny in it's own right but was severely unrealistic. And Hot Fuzz was great, and really funny in spots, I just thought it was weirdly violent. Superbad hit with me not just because it was fucking hilarious but because it was the truest representation of what high school is like that I have seen in a movie in the history of time. Michael Cera is amazing at being the awkward teenager. Jonah Hill is an artist of the word, Fuck. Him and Clive Owen should start a club. If you didn't almost asphyxiate at the penis drawings, I have no use for you. There were some shitty comedies this year too. Blades of Glory only had about 5 good jokes and Walk Hard was a fucking abortion.

2008
Slumdog Millionaire. No, please. Dark Knight was the only really good movie I saw. I liked WallE too. But that was it. Tons of comedies though. Forgetting Sarah Marshall was entertaining but Role Models was the real shit. It's funny top to bottom. It features LARPing and KISS and has Paul Rudd and Sean Scott. Funny people doing things = funny movie. Better than Slumdog? Fuck and OF COURSE. Pineapple Express was kinda ok too. You can't really like it if you just expect it to be really funny. It's a little like Lebowski. You have to think about it as stoners dropped into an action movie. And James Franco is awesome in it as usual. Step Brothers is weird because it's good jokes and no movie. Then there's a ton of shit. Semi-Pro, Zack and Miri, and the gargantuan let down that was Tropic Thunder. Fuck that movie.

2009
I'm guessing Hurt Locker is going to win. I liked it. Did I like The Hangover better? Yes, I fucking did. It's amazing with 10 fucking nominations there are no real comedies in there. The Informant! was better than most of those movies. At least Hangover made money. I also gotta say I loved Observe and Report. It's like if Taxi Driver raped a comedy. It's fucking wild shit.

Alright, I'm almost done. Since those dickholes get 10 nominations, here's the ten best comedies and my ten best movies of the decade. Get some

Funny.
10. Zoolander
9. Role Models
8. The Hangover
7. Borat
6. Team America
5. Shaun of the Dead
4. 40 Year Old Virgin
3. SuperTroopers
2. Superbad
1. Anchorman

Awesome
10. Bourne Movies (I'm counting this as one)
9. Team America
8. Inglorious Basterds
7. Shaun of the Dead
6. 25th Hour
5. Superbad
4. Lord of the Rings ( yeah, I'm doing it again)
3. Anchorman
2. Batman Begins
1. Zodiac

I can keep going but I won't. Feel free to yell at me. Just prepare to get dismantled for being wrong.

From Ben

2010-03-04T13:25:00.000-08:00

Badass if true...hangover-free booze?

The hangover is probably the only thing that keeps me from getting trashed every night, which is bullshit.

I've been experimenting with homebrew lately, so maybe I should start aerating my beer more.

I can't embed the video

2010-03-03T10:07:00.001-08:00

But click on the link. NSFW language so watch it with the headphones on. Really funny video.

Bitches

2010-03-02T12:21:00.001-08:00

Fantasy baseball time.

League

League ID#: 314280
League Name: Husky Saxes Baseball 6
Password: valhalla

We're trying an auction draft this year.

Brinkmanship

2010-02-26T12:34:00.000-08:00

Brinkmanship: the art or practice of pushing a dangerous situation or confrontation to the limit of safety especially to force a desired outcome.

Sink the Bismarck! from BrewDog on Vimeo.

Aaron? I dare you.

Jesus saves (but apparently dosn't tune his guitar).

2010-02-24T10:15:00.000-08:00

"Shine" by Final Placement from sharity world on Vimeo.

Final Placement is a teen rock band from Midland, Texas. They are destined for greatness because the internet had told me so.

Baseball, Baseball, Baseball!

2010-02-20T14:50:00.000-08:00

Ben has a really good anti-Oregon link below this, so don't skip it.

So baseball has started (sort of) and one of the first stories out of Chicago (ok, Mesa, AZ)?

Carlos Silva showed up out of shape!

From Bruce Miles of the Daily Herald:

Same old story: Although he said he wasn't "disappointed," Lou Piniella pointed out that pitcher Carlos Silva was not in the best physical shape coming into camp. Fitness has been an issue for Silva, who is coming off two down years with Seattle. The Cubs obtained him in December in a trade for Milton Bradley.

The media guide lists Silva as 6-foot-4, 250 pounds.

"We've got to get him in a little better shape here first, and we will, especially if the weather stays like it is," Piniella said. "Let's hope we get him back to where he was in Minnesota, when he had that good, hard sinker working, nice little breaking ball. I don't know what happened in Seattle. Seattle, really, is a good park to pitch in. They tell me that his ball straightened up a little bit last year.

"I'm not disappointed about anything. We recognize that we're going to get him in a little better conditioning, and he's going to work hard. That's one thing we've been told, that he'll work and we'll go from there."

Oh god... this is going to be good. A year of Lou angry at Silva for being fat quotes? Yes, please.

Since we don't have another star freshman running back...

2010-02-20T01:06:00.000-08:00

...I am waiting till all the facts are presented

Way to be fucking judicious about it Chip. Man you are standup guy just like all the other "law abidding citizen" oregun ducks.

"There can't be a rush to judgment," Kelly said at a Friday press conference. "When a decision is made, and if he's convicted, we'll make a decision."

Good call but you know he is fucking guilty. What a bunch of criminals....screw the ducks.

Oh wait....

"I had a running back last fall I suspended for eight games," Kelly said. "The NCAA rule is one, so I don't think that our players think that they're going to get away with anything."

Yeah, since you had someone who was kicking ass he was suspended for 8 games. Plus, HE PUNCHED ANOTHER PLAYER ON THE FIELD. Christ I hate them. Jameson got me all pissed off this AM and it has been rolling all day.

I also read this 1 yr/$2 mil, WTF?!?. How did we not sign him for $5 or $6M?!?

Top ten movies with numbers in their titles (that are one though ten).

2010-02-12T11:58:00.000-08:00

So 11 Points is a clever blog where the author just makes lists and adds a little commentary. He varies on subjects, but it is usually pretty entertaining. I won't infringe on his whole "top 11" thing, but I feel like I can do something interesting if I limit the criteria of a list to something odd and entertaining.

10.) The Ten Commandments

Get's a little preachy at times, but Cecil B. DeMille was a real badass. Also, remember when Charlton Heston wasn't a total crazy?

9.) The Ninth Guest

A cool and creepy story that was likely the inspiration for Saw (and a plethora of bad Saw sequels). There were no images from the movie, but this is a picture of the book cover.

8.) King Kong, The Eighth Wonder of the World

I'd do that Naomi Watts.

7.) The Seventh Seal

God damn I love this movie. I know its old (and in Sweedish), but make sure you see it at some point. This list is mostly and excuse for me to post these pictures.

6.) The Sixth Sense

Remember when M. Night Shyamalan made really good movies with a cool plot twist that you weren't expecting? They were thought provoking and a little off-setting? Remember that? No? That's because he only made one.

5.) The Fifth Element

I love this movie. I really do. Luc Besson is awesome with awesomesauce. The visuals and sound in this movie make it great on their own, but a fun (and funny) plot, plus Bruce Willis shooting things, plus one of the only entertaining versions of Chris Tucker, PLUS Gary Oldman as one of my all time favorite movie bad guys makes this a real winner. Oh, and without it, there would be no Halloween costumes like this:

Lilu Dallas Multipass!
4.) Born on the Fourth of July

Wow! Tom Cruise CAN act!

3.) Close Encounters of the Third Kind

This was a great movie when I was a lot younger. It was on TBS a few weeks ago and I watched it expecting to be blown away with it's awesomeness. I wasn't. I guess it was a lot more impressive for it's time, but it will always have a special role for me in that it showed me the best way to freak out my little brother (he was REALLY afraid of alien abductions when he was little). All I had to do was turn off the breaker to the power in his room, play those five notes on my keyboard and rattle his bedroom door.

2.) Beethoven's Second

Yeah, I know I'm reaching, but options are slim at this one. But hey, Charles Grodin!

1.) First Blood (aka Rambo: First Blood)

Fuck yeah! End strong!

FUCK YOU, INTERNET!

2010-02-10T14:15:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I love the shit that goes on in foreign countries.

So a couple of ~~crazy~~ awesome Norwegians decided that they would camp out in some scuba gear and wait for the Google street view car to come by their neighborhood.

Well, they got their wish, as the camera rolled by rugdeveien 39 bergen they had found their opportunity and they gave chase! Armed with a FUCKING TRIDENT, an umbrella, and head full of the crazies, these brave Scandinavian warriors pursued the van for what looks like about a block and a half before finally giving up. I'm sure they felt that their street was now safe from the internet and its prying eyes.

Here's the news story (has been run through, ironically, Google Translate).

Let's Turn Two!

2010-02-10T09:21:00.000-08:00

On a day where I've already ripped Steve Kelley, there's no way I could find a dumber article than that.

What's that?

Oh, never say never again.

Saints Win Super Bowl, but Onside Kick Was Dirty Pool

Ripping on Bleacher Report can be like shooting fish in a barrel, but this is retarded. And why is "Was" capitalized in the title but not "but"?

Ah, what could take away the joy of watching two great quarterbacks duel it out in a Super Bowl, having a snack at half-time anticipating seeing Peyton Manning and the Colts drive down field with the first second-half possession after making their usual adept adjustments during the break?

I'm just going to assume this guy is a disgruntled Colts fan or some shit. First of all, I'm 99% sure that "having a snack at half-time" means you are gay. I stuff every kind of fatty food imaginable in my face throughout the entire game and then wash it down with 10 gallons of beer. America agrees with me.

But most of America was probably thinking, "This game is fucking boring. The Colts are up 10-6 and if they drive down and score to start the 2nd half, this game might be out of reach for the Saints."

Oh, and everyone was rooting for the Saints.

Dirty pool by Sean Payton, in the form of an onside kick to start the second half, could take away that joy.

That was awesome. You seriously believe that was unethical?

When the Saints won the coin toss and elected to receive the ball to start the game, they made their choice. The other team gets to receive the ball to start the second half, but the Colts never received the ball. It was stolen from them on a cheap and dirty onside kick.

You have to be fucking kidding me. An onside kick is permitted in the fucking rules. He isn't the first coach to try to pull one off. Fix your kick return team if it pisses you off.

Although it was a legal play by existing NFL rules, there has always been an unwritten rule, a gentleman's rule that you do not attempt an onside kick to start a half.

Since fucking when? I'm pretty sure I see it several times a year in the NFL. And that's a stupid fucking unwritten rule.

At any other time on a kickoff, fine, but when you win the coin toss, you only get to receive the ball to start a half once. You don't get to break the rack in nine-ball 2 times in a row.

Hi there. Big fucking difference between receiving the ball twice and recovering an onside kick. They still had to pull it off, and that took huge balls.

That would be greedy.

For a fucking Super Bowl win? If that is the result, I'll put my perceived ethics on the line every single fucking time.

While many see Sean Payton's gamble as a tribute to his genius and will hail him for his aggressiveness, I see it as blemish on an otherwise respectable game between two evenly-matched teams.

And you're a fucking dipshit.

To be a true champion, you play the game between the lines. There is no need to resort to cheap tricks. Let there be no mistake: the Saints outplayed the Colts and deserved to win for the most part.

Everyone hold up while Steve Montana defines "true champion" for us. I would so much rather be Super Bowl Champion than meet your dipshit criteria for "true champion".

I say for "the most part" because the game was in the balance until late in the fourth quarter. During Sean Payton's Monday morning news conference on NFL network, he appeared humble.

Wait, what? So pulling away and icing the game in the fourth quarter make them less deserving?

Perhaps he felt somewhere inside that his decision did not need to be made to win, but since it had been made, a lot of people will forever associate this game and him as a coach with that play.

Or maybe he's not ashamed of it at all because he's not a fucking moron. And people will associate it with him because it was ballsy as shit and helped him win the Super Bowl.

As I see it, the play did not determine the ultimate outcome. It could be argued by some that it greatly affected the outcome.

If you don't believe it changed the outcome, then why do you give a fuck? But really, you believe a change of possessions could affect the outcome of a game? Would it be dirty if they kicked off and then stripped the ball on the return? The next thing you'll be telling me is that Tracy Porter's interception might have affected the outcome.

If the Colts had received a regular kickoff, and they had scored a TD, it would have been 17-6 Colts rather than the 13-10 Saints that it did indeed become when the Saints drove the field.

People who makes statements like should have their balls removed through their rectums. It didn't happen. I don't care. How do you know Pey Pey wouldn't have tried to throw along Reggie Wayne along the sideline and had it go for a pick 6?

That does not mean that the Colts would have won.

Thanks for that answer to a question no one fucking asked.

The Saints could have mounted a comeback. After all, they showed that they had the greater will to win, the greater hunger to lift the Lombardi trophy.

Yeah, by doing things like going balls out on an onside kick. Something completely within the rules of the game of football.

Was it really a gamble by Payton?

Yes, it fucking was. I don't have any statistics to back this up, but I'm pretty sure onside rarely work. And if it didn't they'd have been giving up field position in a close game to one of the best offenses in the NFL. It was a giant fucking gamble and it was awesome.

With the Colts adeptness at making half-time adjustments, it was looming pretty large that they were going to drive for a touchdown on their first second-half possession.

If the Colts were likely to score anyway, gambling on an onside kick that could have given the Colts the ball at the Saints own 40-yard line didn't really have that much downside anyway.

This is stupid and pretty much debunks your own point. The assumption that the Colts were going to drive down and score a TD is so unbelievably flawed it's laughable. They hadn't score since about 4 minutes left in the 1st quarter. And they only scored 1 TD the rest of the game. You have the gift of hindsight on this one.

Maybe you're right, and Sean Payton felt he had to do something to get the ball back. But that's a fucking gamble. His defense had played well for the last 20 minutes and he decided to take it out of their hands.

But if that was the case, and he really believed that, you are arguing that the fair and intelligent thing to do WOULD BE TO KICK OFF AND CONCEDE THE FUCKING SUPER BOWL.

And if the Colts are so fucking adept at making half time adjustments, then they can recover from a 13-10 deficit to win the game. This is neither here nor there, but you've made the case why every team SHOULD go for an onside kick against the Colts.

Finally, there is the question of who actually recovered the ball. The ball bounced around a few times and led to one of the ugliest and worst regulated scrums in NFL history.

This is true, but it looked like the Saints grabbed it and fell down on the replay. Still don't see how this is "dirty pool". This is whining about how your team lost.

The officials did very little to pull players off the pile. Small fights were breaking out at the sides without flags being thrown. The last we saw of the ball on replays it was between the legs of one prone Saints player and Hank Baskett was diving on top of it.

If the baby daddy of Hef's former concubine had been paying attention and doing his fucking job, he would easily recovered that kick. The dude is a fucking receiver, for Christ sakes. No wonder he lost his job to Mike fucking Vick.

Is this what we want in a Super Bowl?

To throw scraps of food into the air of a courtyard and watch wild dogs go at it. The onside was not only a blemish on the game for being a cheap and dirty parlor trick. It was also a blemish because it was not a clean play. It was not a clean recovery of a live ball. Is that what we wish to see in the NFL on its greatest stage?

I think not.

The exact same bullshit happens on a fumble. Should we ban those from the Super Bowl? I thought you were saying the unwritten rule was that you don't do them at the start of a half? So it's okay to do it at the 7:14 mark of the 3rd quarter, because that time doesn't start with "15"?

Keep your point fucking straight because it seems like you don't have one. None of these things have anything to do with this unwritten fucking rule you are talking about. You can have scrums with no clean winner and players fighting for live balls at any point in the game.

My proposal then is that the NFL needs to make a rule change to prevent what happened in Sunday's Super Bowl between the Colts and the Saints from ever occurring again.

Starting next season, an onside kick may be attempted on any kickoff except for those starting a half. There's no point in having a coin toss if the team that wins it can decide, "Screw it! We are going to take the ball to start the second half too."

Hey cocksucker, they still have to pull it off, which rarely happens. This is so unbelievably retarded that my dick hurts. Someone tell me I just spent the last 45 minutes ripping apart a joke, but he continues to defend himself in the comments where absolutely everyone calls him a dickbag. It boggles my mind that he believes a team can actually decide to just take the ball each half.

Eat a dick, Steve Kelley

2010-02-10T07:50:00.000-08:00

Let's see how hateful I'm feeling today. I'm actually in a good mood right now, so that probably needs to stop. Let's dive right in.

My treatment of Erik Bedard has been unfair

Last week, a few readers — well actually a lot of readers suggested, demanded really — that certain sportswriters, namely me, owed Mariners pitcher Erik Bedard an apology.

Great way to start an apology. "My readers made me do it." You know if the mouth breathers who read your stupid shit are pissed, you must have done something really dumb.

They're right.

You really owed him an apology over a year ago. He was hurt during the 2008 season as well and everyone called him a pussy, followed by him having off-season surgery. He came back too early and got hurt again. Pretty much the exact same story. But last off-season he was still a dick that was going to bolt town after his contract was up.

After all, we (and by we, I mean I) have spent a lot of the past two years lamenting the trade that sent a large chunk of the Mariners' future to Baltimore for a pitcher we (and, by we, I mean former general manager Bill Bavasi) expected to be the ace of the staff as the Mariners challenged for an American League West title.

Yes, all of that was clearly Erik Bedard's fault. Apology aside, piling on the player we received in a bad trade makes no fucking sense. And I'm too lazy to do this, but I'm willing to bet if you go back to January of 2008, there are Steve Kelley articles applauding the trade.

Oh wait, no I'm not

"Despite denials from Baltimore, the Mariners are this close to completing a deal with the Orioles that will send Jones and at least one other prospect to the Orioles for all-star pitcher Erik Bedard.

It is the right move to make at the right time in the franchise's growth."

If you put it that way, you sound like his biggest cheerleader.

Of course, that never happened.

Bedard rarely was healthy. He made only 30 starts in two seasons. He ran too many deep counts, which meant the bullpen usually had to get up by the fifth or sixth inning and he was as exciting to watch as your Uncle Bob on the putting green.

I will admit to being a fan of the trade at the time it was made. But as has been pointed out many times before, all this stuff was already part of the Erik Bedard package. He did all those things in Baltimore as well. The injuries have been worse the last couple years, but he's always gone deep into counts and left early in the game.

Not only that, but he might have been the most media-unfriendly Mariner since, I don't know, Phil Bradley?

It was as if he were allergic to reporters. He answered questions in a monotone, often snickered at the questions we asked and never let us see what was behind his icy eyes.

No one gives a flying fuck about this except reporters who ram it down our throats in an attempt to make us care. But please continue to extol all his perceived faults in your apology.

It was that way from his first spring-training start in 2008 in Scottsdale, when he got hit hard by the San Francisco Giants and dismissed every question he was asked.

Who cares? People who make a big deal out of Spring Training starts are stupid, especially if it's the first start of the year.

His personality (or lack of one) should have nothing to do with the way we covered him, but human nature being what it is, Bedard created an adversarial relationship which affected the way we (I) wrote about him.

No, it shouldn't. And quit with the fucking parentheses.

Of course, he never made it easy on himself. He asked out of his first homecoming start in Baltimore, because of an injury and he never gave the impression — on the mound, or in the clubhouse — that he had that Cliff Lee give-me-the-ball-and-I'll-throw-200-pitches-if-that's-what-it-takes mentality.

He was hurt, you fucking knob.

But once again, we see the stupid ass double standard applied to Seattle athletes. Raul Ibanez can be injured for an entire season, suck ass at the plate and in the field, hurt the team, and be called a fucking warrior. Ichiro can injure himself, play through it below his normal level but still better than most, and get raked over the coals.

You are still defending your impression like it was justified. And it wasn't. That is why you are apologizing.

He wasn't a gamer like CC Sabathia. He wasn't an Alpha Dog like Curt Schilling. He couldn't be counted on every fifth day from April to September. That was the impression.

He was hurt. And Curt Schilling is a fucking bitch, but it's weird that you should choose that example. Bedard might have asked out of a few starts, but he actually went out and pitched through pain and never bitched about it at all. And as frustrating as he was, he was still the 2nd best pitcher on the team. The only difference is that Curt Schilling did the same thing with blood on his sock in the ALCS.

Meanwhile, center fielder Adam Jones, surrendered in the trade, blossomed into an All-Star. And Chris Tillman, once the most treasured arm in the Mariners' farm system, found a place in the Orioles' rotation.

Clearly Bedard's fault and a reason to demonize him.

Last season, it always seemed as if Bedard was afraid to throw hard. His fastball was topping out in the 80s. His control was off.

As USSM showed, this is simply false.

Finally, on Independence Day, he was shut down, like a thoroughbred with a mysterious illness.

Turns out it was a torn labrum, an injury that used to mean your career was over. My bad!

There were those of us (me) who thought he was a malingerer. That he didn't have the heart to pitch in the heat of a pennant race. That he didn't much like the game.

And you're all a bunch of fucking dickbags.

"Erik Bedard didn't smile my direction when we were at the pre-game spread! No fucking heart! There's no way he's actually hurt!"

Now we know he was hurt. He was trying to pitch with a torn labrum, which is a little like a miler trying to run with a broken ankle.

Yeah, you're a complete asshole.

When I worked in Portland, I watched Trail Blazers center Bill Walton get unfairly excoriated by writers and front-office staff because he refused to play through injuries that were difficult to diagnose.

Nobody loved playing basketball more than Walton, and his subsequent surgeries proved just how much pain he felt every time he played. Walton was the definition of a "gamer," but he also was surly with reporters and was unfairly demonized during his last days in Portland.

In an unparallel way, the treatment of Bedard (my treatment of Bedard) also had been unfair.

Nice to see that you've still haven't learned your lesson. How are you employed?

Now, maybe all of us will get a second chance. Bedard, who will be 31 in a month and had surgery to repair his torn labrum, has re-signed with the Mariners. In a perfect world he could be ready to pitch around Memorial Day.

No, you have a second chance. Why the fuck are you already hedging your bets against him? No doubt the next time Bedard gets hurt, it will actually be because he's a giant pussy.

You and your colleagues very openly treated him like garbage during his first two years, but he decided to come back anyway. He doesn't seem to give a fuck what you think.

I don't expect him to come back as the clubhouse crackup, tossing one-liners like Jon Stewart. We'll leave that to Ken Griffey Jr.

Could have done this a year ago....

I expect Bedard still will be grouchy and difficult.

I can understand why this is a legitimate gripe for someone in the newspaper business. But it's really not appropriate when you're making an apology.

But are you fucking 7? No one reading your articles gives a shit about your personal problems dealing with professional athletes. You have a cool fucking job because you get to cover Spring Training every year. If I got to do that, I'd let Erik Bedard punch me in the gut and insult my family and beliefs every morning.

Sack up, you whiny bitch.

But we (I) should learn from the mistakes of the past two seasons and realize that Erik Bedard does want the ball.

And his reluctance to share his feelings with us shouldn't be misinterpreted as a lack of fire for the game.

Too bad you had to lead into this statement with all that other bullshit. If someone apologized to you like this is person, you'd probably want to kick them in the balls. Of course, it's not a real apology because it's being posted on the Times, so that makes it cool to be completely disingenuous.

Eat a dick, Steve Kelley. Eat a dick.

Randall, please tear this man a new one.

2010-02-08T23:45:00.000-08:00

Dave at USSM already started, but he lacks your .....passion....for ripping people apart. God knows Steve Kelly deserves it. Use this for motivation.

(Also, I love having the "Steve Kelly Sucks" tag already exist.)

Chalk one up for Brett

2010-02-05T07:24:00.000-08:00

Looks like the M's are going to bring back Erik "The Interview" Bedard.

I was skeptical about this, but it seems like Bedard might actually enjoy Seattle despite the constant media demonizing.

I like this move. It's cheap with a potential to pay off huge. He's been working with Mariner trainers through his rehab, so they know his progress better than anyone. If they want to make the move on him, this could mean good things.

I've warmed up a lot to the idea of bringing back Washburn, as long as he's cheap. As the 3rd or 4th guy in the rotation, we could do a lot worse.

The Big Hockey Post

2010-02-02T14:41:00.000-08:00

Ok, so with college foosball season well behind us and the Superbowl about to occur, we will be left with few things to keep us entertained until the start of the actual baseball season. Spring training is awesome, but there's not a lot of it to be watched and two college basketball games a week is just not enough. March Madness is coming, but it's over a month away, and it's just a few weekends of furious basketball frenzy. The NBA sucks. Seriously, it's horrible.

I wanted to make an impassioned plea on behalf of the NHL to you guys. Watching a few games now may even make watching some of the Winter Olympics tolerable. I have been watching Anaheim Ducks games since I moved to Orange County and I will be honest with you: it is damn fun every time I go. Watching them on TV, while not anywhere near as awesome, is still fun and greatly preferred to an exciting weeknight basketball game between the Wizards and the Bobcats on TNT.

So here's what I thought I'd try: Since most of us share the same favorite teams (Huskies, Mariners, Seahawks), I thought I would be fun to get everybody on board with a different hockey team and let the trash talking drive the conversation. Growing up in Seattle, we didn't have an NHL franchise (Thanks, Barry Ackerly!) and the Canucks aren't on TV so I didn't grow up with any kind of serious hockey allegiance. I know that it's still not on local TV, but the internet is a splendid thing (coverage and even some free game feeds), and the NHL Center Ice package is remarkably reasonable if you want to watch some out of market games.

So here we go. I assigned you an appropriate team based on your locations or previously stated preferences (all western conference teams and some decent rivalries). If you want to pick somebody else, just say so in the comments. Also, the Detroit Red Wings are the New York Yankees of hockey. You're not allowed to pick them for all the reasons that you can't grow up in Mountlake Terrace and say that the Yankees are your favorite baseball team. It just reeks of bandwagon douchiness.

Jameson: Vancouver Canucks

SBN Blog: Nucks Misconduct

The Vancouver Canucks are an exciting team with two of the best players in the NHL on one line: Daniel and Henrik Sedin (Seh-deen). The twin brothers are exciting playmakers and uncanny goal scoring machines. Vancouver is currently at the top of the northwest division and 3rd overall in the west. They will surely be a playoff team and are not to be taken lightly this year.

Watching Canucks games may be difficult, but the sports pages in the Vancouver papers are almost exclusively about them.

Aaron: Colorado Avalanche

SBN Blog: Mile High Hockey

I have already talked to Aaron about this. He's in. He always kinda liked the Avs so it worked out well. The Avs are YOUNG and talented. Several years in the basement of the west meant that they were going to be able to draft high. They did, and they drafted well. Currently in 2nd place in the northwest and 6th overall in the west, they're going to have to continue to play well to stay in the playoff picture, but the Olympic break might be a good opportunity for this inexperienced team to rest and get themselves set for the next stage.

Aaron may need to get Center Ice to watch games, or he may need to come back to the US. I don't know, but he's a resourceful mo'fo, so he'll figure it out.

Randall: Phoenix Coyotes

SBN Blog: Five for Howling

This one hurts, because I goddamn hate the Coyotes. The Phoenix Coyotes are a pacific division rival of the Ducks and it pains me to see them doing so well this year. They are the poster children of franchise mismanagement (gambling scandals, bankruptcy, relocation rumors) and they have been bad for years and years. Despite this, the Coyotes have pulled their shit together this year and are surprising the bejesus out of the rest of the NHL with their play. Phoenix is 2nd in the pacific behind the regular season juggernaut that is the San Jose Sharks and is in 4th (holy fuck!) place in the west. Barring a catastrophic collapse, they should make the playoffs this year and piss me off considerably.

Coyotes games should be on local TV (do you have a Fox Sports Arizona or something?) and it has to be better than trying to watch Suns games. Also, tickets to the games are supposedly dirt goddamn cheap. If you find yourself in the big city, go to one!

Brett, Ben: Anaheim Ducks

SBN Blog: Anaheim Calling

I've been watching Ducks hockey for a couple years now, and I can't tell you how much fun it's been. The Ducks have gone from awesome, to good, to ok, to terribad in the last few years, but I still enjoy every minute of hockey that I can catch. My company has season tickets and I have only missed 2 or 3 home games all season. I ponied up for some glass seats and next Monday I will be sitting right next to the visitor's penalty box to watch the Ducks and Kings. The Ducks are last in the pacific (fuck!) and 11th overall in the west (double fuck!) which curretnly puts them out of the playoff picture. The were in a similar spot this time last year and ended up getting hot down the stretch to make the 8th and final playoff spot my just one game.

The last NHL games this month are on the 14th. The league takes a break for the Winter Olympics and picks back up for a furious month and a half of regular season hockey before the playoffs start in mid April. Now would be a fantastic time to pick up something with your new favorite hockey team's logo and prepare yourself for the excitement that is the Stanley Cup playoffs. I wish all of your teams terrible luck (especially the Coyotes and Avs) and hope to see more awesome hockey talk on here soon.

Dr. Ochocinco or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Pro Bowl

2010-01-29T15:25:00.000-08:00

Chad Ochocinco wants to kick in the Pro Bowl. Do you want to know why I love this guy? Because he makes me smile. Chad Ochocinco is just plain old goddamn entertaining. He can't help it. Yes, sometimes he acts like a Kanye-grade jackass, and other times he's an irreverent jester (and occasionally he's actually a good wide receiver on a playoff team), but I think Chad Ochocinco does more to contribute to my football related entertainment than any other player in the NFL.

Before I heard about his desire to kick, my opinion on this year's Pro Bowl was set in concrete. The NFL couldn't have made this irrelevant time waste any less abhorant if they had announced a plan to staple live kittens to the player's helmets, but scheduling it the week before the Super Bowl (ruining a lot of the buzz and build up for what's bound to be a FANTASTIC game) and moving it to goddamn Florida (so now players are feigning meaningless injuries to avoid attending) was such an insult to fans that I had predicted a significant backlash would be felt by the office of the comissioner during media week. Today I read that yahoo article and I'll be damned if I am going to miss this shit-fest now. I want to see him kick.

The six-time Pro Bowl receiver is an international soccer fan and practices kicking. He had never done it during a game until last August, when Bengals kicker Shayne Graham was bothered by a sore groin in practice before a preseason game against New England in Foxborough.
Ochocinco kicked an extra point and had a deep kickoff as Graham's replacement, providing the winning point in Cincinnati's 7-6 victory. Afterward, he referred to himself as "Esteban Ochocinco, the most interesting footballer in the world."

So Roger Goodell may have an unlikely savior for this monstrosity. An old adversary (of sorts) that will not refuse the NFL fans their entertainment. Who knows if they'll let him, but they should. I hope he puts one in from 50+ yards.

Go, Chad. Go.

The Endless Bounty of the Internet #15

2010-01-27T21:15:00.000-08:00

Sun rises in the East and other surprises.

2010-01-26T11:31:00.000-08:00

Tebow shits the bed in front of NFL scouts at the Senior Bowl.

Wow! A highly touted Florida football product looks like he may underperform at the next level! Shocking!

FUCK AND YES!

2010-01-19T07:45:00.001-08:00

5 years/$78 million.

Felix rulz your face.

Jack Z rulz your soul.

And Jimmy Kimmel weighs in....

2010-01-15T15:06:00.000-08:00

Now, I have always thought that Kimmel was "kinda funny", but not really much of a heavyweight. He really sticks it to Leno on this one. It gets more and more awesome as it gets more and more uncomfortable. It starts off slow, then about question #5, Kimmel lets him have it.

Relationships

2010-01-14T14:09:00.000-08:00

This guy has an iPhone with an edge signal, but no bars. You go, AT&T! Also, I'm sure this chick was upset because the dog groomer had put the red bows in the curls of her lhasa-poo when it is clearly Sunday the 10th and on Sundays they wear the matching pink outfits.

"It's like you're not even LISTENING!"

Regardless, Capitan No-Service here needs to get miles away from Her Royal Highness and her paragraph of text messages about feelings before she goes all psycho bitch on him for that awesome comment. I'm glad that he had the wherewithall to screenshot the moment of his liberation.

This is a big deal

2010-01-14T08:12:00.001-08:00

And it isn't getting a lot of press, because who really cares about the O-Line coach.

Seahawks hire Alex Gibbs

Alex Gibbs is the guy who basically created zone blocking, a system that is at least partially run by every NFL team and a ton of college teams as well. He's the one who was in Denver from the late 1990s to early 2000s and allowed the Broncos to plug any running back into their system and let him go off, most notably Terrell Davis.

Greg Knapp was a Gibbs disciple, but Knapp was also a retard and the Hawks had one of the worst offensive lines in the NFL. Not anymore. Get ready to watch the sloppy, confused offensive line play turn strict and disciplined. Get ready to see a ton of cut blocks also. The NFC West players should watch out for their knees.

I'm just storing this here

2010-01-12T13:17:00.001-08:00

for use during baseball season.

The death of real instruments...it has truelly began

2010-01-10T20:13:00.001-08:00

Interesting Guitar

Both of these guys want to make me cut myself. Douchebags....I think my head would explode if I was actually in the same room as both of them while either is talking or breathing.

NSFW Enviromental Disaster!!! Oh Noes!!

2010-01-08T11:03:00.000-08:00

VH1 Reality Show Bus Crashes In California Causing Major Slut Spill

National Championship Live Chat

2010-01-07T17:56:00.000-08:00

National Championship Live Blog

Twitter is finally good for something!

2010-01-07T15:12:00.001-08:00

Well, this and the baseball writers at the winter meetings.

Should Jim Mora be fired?

2010-01-07T08:07:00.000-08:00

I voted yes. I don't really see the Hawks getting better under him after this year. He might be a decent coach, but the Seahawks are broken and it's time to clean house.

Randy Johnson Still Kicks Ass

2010-01-06T07:18:00.001-08:00

Randy looks to the sky!

I'll admit that I was still holding out hope for a Griffey-like homecoming for Randy this year. Even at 46, he'd still probably be the 3rd or 4th best starter on our roster. I don't really have any doubt he could have pitched into his 50's in a bullpen role and probably would have become an All-Star closer.

Oh well. At least he got to retire on his terms. Easily the best pitcher of a generation, in my opinion. Especially when you consider his career didn't really get going until he was 27 years old.

This has to stop

2010-01-06T07:06:00.000-08:00

Next person to compare Casey Kotchman to John Olerud is getting punched in the balls.

I guess you could say they're the same type of player: good defense, line drives, good approach, good eye. Except Olerud did all those things way better.

Kotchman is Olerud when Olerud was 37 years old. Except not quite as good.

Fuck California

2010-01-06T00:54:00.000-08:00

Sometimes this place gets to me.

I am fine with this

2010-01-05T18:21:00.000-08:00

Lefty who potentially could hit for some power. But I will take .270/10 over Bill Hall and insert random prospect here.

Why not for 4 mil

Hall didn't get much of a chance but also didn't really show much sign of being awesome and, if we can't get another power hitting firstbasemen, then Cotchman is a good substitute....and how about the
Gutierrez signing? I will take him for $5-ish million a year. How much did we pay Cameron?

Anyone alive on this blog anymore?!?

Rose Bowl Live Blog

2010-01-01T14:13:00.000-08:00

Last minute...let's rock.

Rose Bowl Live Blog

We suck again

2009-12-27T23:05:00.000-08:00

Today's game was awful

I must say we just looked terrible today. Really, really, really terrible. I don't think two first round draft picks will help us much next year. I wouldn't put it solely on hasselbeck since our entire team seems to be awful but it would be nice to have something like a shinny new QB, drafted or otherwise, to get a sense of hope from.

Why do I not remember this guy

...and I bet they would also be interested in the Jemarcus Russell autographs

I wanna start! I wanna close! I wanna work long relief! I wanna start again!

2009-12-22T00:44:00.000-08:00

OMFG Skilltes!

I don't care what you want do anymore. Your ass is headed to Toronto. So long, Brandon "Not-Lincecum" Morrow. You'll be remembered in my book as a victim of the Bavasi era and its managers as well as a colossal dissapointment and mis-appropriation of a fantastic talent.

No More Silva?

2009-12-18T10:26:00.000-08:00

Sounds like the M's are ready to move Silva for Milton Bradley.

Seems like a puzzling move for a team that insisted on carrying Mike Sweeney all last season, but the LL guys seem to love it. I agree that we definitely just turned nothing into a potentially huge piece without spending any money.

Discuss. I'll leave the big post for Brett's picture.

I am getting super excited for the M's now. They pretty much because AL West contenders this week and they're not done making moves yet. I hope Jack Z goes for broke and brings in someone like Adrian Gonzalez.

Get this club to the playoffs. We have the one pitcher that could touch the Yankees in the playoffs last year...plus a fire breathing Felix!

Mexican navy kills top cartel kingpin in shootout

2009-12-17T12:28:00.000-08:00

Wait...........Mexico has a navy?

From the AP:

CUERNAVACA, Mexico – Two hundred Mexican Navy marines stormed an upscale apartment complex and killed a reputed drug cartel chief in a two-hour gunbattle, one of the biggest victories yet in President Felipe Calderon's drug war.

Arturo Beltran Leyva, the "boss of bosses," and six members of his cartel died in the shootout Wednesday in Cuernavaca, just south of Mexico City, according to a navy statement Thursday.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let's do some math here:

It took 200 marines two hours to kill six dudes,
or
It took 33.33 marines 20 minutes to kill each dude,
or
It took one marine two hours to kill 0.03 dudes,
or (my favorite)
One marine can kill 4.166 x10^-6 dudes per second.

Howz about doosh injection?

2009-12-15T08:25:00.000-08:00

Courtesy of Slate, of course.

Why I stopped being a sports fan

The title of this article pretty much confirms that you were never actually a sports fan to begin with. Ask any real fan; it's not something you quit.

Several months ago, I gave up sports. I hadn't planned to go cold turkey, so I didn't note the exact day I quit. One morning—it must have been in June—I picked up the paper and didn't feel like reading the sports section.

Really? You picked up the newspaper? Bullshit.

"Oh, look at me, I write for Slate, I still read the paper while sipping my vanilla latte and snacking on my raspberry scone."

Around the same time, I stopped watching live sporting events on TV, catching highlights on ESPN, and checking for the latest sports news on the Web. I abandoned, midseason, two promising fantasy baseball teams in two very competitive leagues. Though I'd visited all but three of Major League Baseball's stadiums over the previous five seasons, I didn't attend a single ballgame in 2009. I haven't seen so much as a quarter of an NBA game this season. Somewhat to my surprise, I don't miss any of it.

"Look how good a sports fan I was! I watched the highlights every night! My fantasy teams were good! I traveled to all the stadiums! What a burden. You Proletariat can't possibly understand."

At the most basic level, I stopped following sports because being a sports fan took too much time. In recent years, I had followed the Red Sox, the Boston Celtics, and to a lesser degree, the New England Patriots. During NASCAR's long February-to-November season, I also kept tabs on my favorite driver, the irascible Tony Stewart.

Wow. It must have been soooooooooooo hard to watch those teams that win all the time. But you write for Slate, so of course you're a Boston fan. Only a Boston fan would whine about how hard this is.

And "irascible Tony Stewart"? Go take a bath with a toaster.

There were thus few weeks in the calendar year when there wasn't a game to watch, a race to follow, or a hot-stove rumor to chase down. On an average weekend, I might devote three hours to a football game, another four to stock cars, and at least a couple of hours to ESPN.com, Deadspin, various newspaper sports sections, and a handful of fantasy advice sites. (Thank you, belatedly, Closer Watch Report.) Watching sports and consuming news about my favorite teams had come to occupy the majority of my leisure time.

And there goes any grip on reality. I'm going to split "sports fans" into 2 fairly broad categories: the casual fan and the hardcore nutbar. This is clearly an oversimplification, but I think it's pretty accurate that most people fall into both of these groups to a varying degree.

The casual fan enjoys sports, it's a leisure activity and done for fun. This person would not complain about the burden because that doesn't make any fucking sense. It's done for pleasure, so if it's not serving it's purpose, he or she stops.

The second (of which I consider myself a member), is the hardcore nutbar. Maybe sports becomes a burden, but this person can't quit because he is shackled to it. It's in the blood and the soul. There are times when I hate the Mariners or the Huskies or the Seahawks, but I come back like an abused dog. It's a form of suffering that will someday pay off because eventually one of these teams will break through to the other side.

As a Seattle fan and reformed Sonics fan, a HUGE "fuck off" to a Boston fan bitching about how hard it is.

Not all that long ago, the media diet of even the most dedicated fan was far less rich. Before cable, satellite, and the Web, you could follow the home team on local TV and radio; if you missed the game, you could read about it in the paper the next morning. To keep up with the rest of the sports world, you subscribed to Sports Illustrated or the Sporting News and watched whatever games made the network broadcasts. If you weren't interested in spending Sunday afternoon watching Sidney Moncrief's Bucks take on Mo Cheeks' 'Sixers, well, you could clean the garage.

Nice name drops. Here's 2 teams and their coaches. I know things!

Listen, dingus. All those things still exist. No one is chaining you to the couch and peeling your eye balls open. It's a personal choice to watch 8 hours of basketball in one sitting, or to read every article on the internet.

Please don't mistake me for some fuddy-duddy who longs for the days of reading box scores by the wood-burning stove. One of my happiest sports memories is of listening to Anibal Sanchez's 2006 no-hitter on satellite radio while sending gloating text messages to other owners in my fantasy league. (I'd picked up Sanchez after reading about his minor league résumé on the Sons of Sam Horn message board.)

Again with the name dropping. I had Anibal Sanchez on my fantasy team in 2006 and I don't read "Sons of Sam Horn", but lots of other people do. That doesn't make you special or clever. Anibal was a pretty common pick up at the end of the 2006 season because he was pitching well. You can spend 10 minutes a week reading fantasy updates and stay fine in your league because a lot of it boils down to luck. Dropping "Sons of Sam Horn" is a not so cleverly disguised way of you trying to say what an AWESOME fan you were.

Fans that make pleas to validate their fanhood are almost always posers. Funny how that works.

But these new ways of following sports have made it easier for a casual fan to slip into Big Fan territory.

"Look how smart I am! I saw this movie that non-sports fans are going to watch so they can pretend like they understand sports!"

Seriously, it's like this article was taken directly out of post on Stuff White People Like. Which shouldn't be surprising, since it's Slate.

There was a time when I'd catch a game here and there, watch SportsCenter a few nights a week, and really start paying attention come playoff time. I woke up one day not long ago (to a clock radio blaring WFAN) and found that I had a Google alert for "Kevin Garnett knee," a subscription to Baseball Prospectus, and a genuine interest in the Twitter updates of Juan Pablo Montoya.

I'm going to go ahead and call bullshit again. Once again, these our personal choices. This isn't alcoholism. But of course you want us to know that you were listening to WFAN. Because sports fans have had music robbed from them too.

For all the ways in which new media have changed how we follow our favorite teams, sports remain mired in the past in one basic way: You pretty much have to watch them live. Sure, you can record a Sunday afternoon football game and watch it the next day, but the final score is harder to avoid than the twist in last night's episode of Mad Men. Glimpse the back page of the local tabloid, and the game is spoiled. Even if your self-imposed media blackout does succeed, watching a day-old ballgame is like doing yesterday's crossword. It just doesn't have the same crackle. At the same time, other entertainment options are becoming easier to fit into my schedule. If I'm not in the mood for the TV shows I've DVR'd, I can always stream a movie on Netflix.

What the fuck is the point on this? Did you just want to throw in a tired Man Men cliche? Jesus Christ.

AND WHO THE FUCK GLIMPSES AT THE BACK PAGE OF A LOCAL TABLOID? NOBODY FUCKING TALKS THIS WAY!

"Oh my God! I'm soooooooooo interested in this sport, but not enough to watch it live! But the world is spoiling my plans to watch it act my leisure!"

How the fuck is this a downside? I don't get it. You had to watch the games live before, but now there's a ton of coverage to show you what happened. This is a good thing. You openly admit that live sports have always been hard to fit into your schedule, but that everything else is getting easier. ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Of course, you don't need to watch every minute of every game to be a fan. My complaint with sports doesn't hinge on the inflexible hours.

But I wanted to complain about it anyway.

There's also the issue of return on my investment. The games are relentless, the experience of them too often ephemeral. I will recall to my dying day the game I attended between the Celtics and Trailblazers in March 1992. It was Larry Bird's last great performance—a 49-point clinic that included a simply absurd three to send the game into overtime. But such moments are, by definition, rare. For every historic game I've seen, there have been hundreds of uneventful ones I can tell you literally nothing about.

Seriously, fuck you. This is the fucking point. This is what makes sports awesome. If things like that happened all the time, they wouldn't be special. You watch because that MIGHT happen, and it's fucking sweet when it does. But you also watch because you enjoy the teams. I've watched hundreds or Mariner games and I can't tell you what happened in every single one, but I can tell you that I've enjoyed the wins.

But fuck you more for being a Boston fan. Over the last decade, your teams have won 6 fucking championships. These "historic moments" are relatively common place and sports fans all over the nation would give their left nuts for the same experience. Go to hell for trivializing it.

I'm not denying the pleasures of spending an afternoon shelling sunflower seeds and watching the Brewers take on the Pirates—on the contrary.

"Hmmmm...yes. I do these things, like spit sunflower seeds and watch crappy baseball. This is what the common man does. Yes, that'll do."

My problem is more with the games that promise to be momentous and prove otherwise. Every week, there seems to be a game of the century—a playoff opener, a clash of rivals, a prodigal son returning home. As a sports fan in good standing, I'm obliged to watch.

This makes you the fucking problem. Do you understand supply and demand? You lap up to slop from ESPN and they'll keep giving it to you. You are the reason we have helicoptors following Brett Favre and a fire hydrant outside of Tiger's house. You are only obliged to watch because you are dumb enough to believe that a sports commercial set to crappy Nu Metal back music is going to change your fucking life.

But too frequently, such games fail to deliver on the hype. Even if they are entertaining in the moment, I know that after the passage of a few months, I'll have trouble recalling the action. What happened in the NFC championship game last year? I watched, but I don't remember a single detail. What's the point of devoting all of my free time to something so fleeting?

You watch because it's fun. The Cardinals won, that's why they were in the Super Bowl. Who the fuck thinks it's only fulfilling if you can details of the game? Jesus, man. Change the fucking channel and skip back if it gets good.

No one that has any fucking clue would ever ask that question. And why the fuck would you devote all your free time? That is fucking retarded. I'm a huge baseball fan but I don't watch every second of the playoffs and the World Series. I would if they Mariners were in it, but that hasn't happened yet. But you've got to see your cock wallet Sawx in the World Series. That must have been such a chore.

Big wins for the home team are always memorable, particularly in the postseason. But for every euphoric victory, there are dozens of crushing defeats. Even given the dominance of Boston's teams this decade, I'm not sure I experienced more pleasure than anguish as a sports fan in the aughts.

I can't continue this. Fuck off and die. I hate you. I wish you and your family ill. You are the reason there is a backlash to any intellectual discussion about sports.

I can't believe a living, breathing person would type this and publish it.

How does Jack Zduriencik make a deal like this???

2009-12-14T23:54:00.000-08:00

HE IS A FUCKING WARLOCK!!!!!!!

Seriously though, the latest report has the M's giving up JUST Philippe Aumont and Tyson Gillies for Cliff Lee (+more?).

Please discuss.

I said it earlier....

2009-12-14T12:36:00.000-08:00

But Jake might just be dumb enough to come back.

Welcome back, Montlake Jake. Now let's get this shit fucking real again.

Tonight we drink to the ACL tear that is no doubt coming against BYU.

UPDATE: I will continue my mind dump.

This is going to be entertaining. The media circus has already been set in motion for Jake. It happens with a few teams every year and it'll probably happen with us. Jake will be discussed ad nausea to the point where we're probably ranked going into next season with Jake as a Heisman front runner.

Prepare for the Tim Tebow of the West.

ANOTHER UPDATE:

Holy fucking shit! Cliff Lee to the M's?

This day is absolutely out of control.

Bullshit!

2009-12-09T13:48:00.000-08:00

Seahawks retire green jerseys.

Fuck, man. I just bought one. I guess they're "unique" now.

OMFG MARINERS!

2009-12-08T09:08:00.000-08:00

Dave Cameron over at USSM started a twitter list for Mariners rumors from the winter meetings. I will overlook my usual disdain of twitter because in this one instance, it is really useful.

UW-Cal Live Blog

2009-12-04T11:25:00.000-08:00

Game is at 3:30, so I'll start the chat around 3:00.

UW-Cal Live Blog

Yo Bitches

2009-12-04T09:23:00.001-08:00

Anyone want to live blog the game again tomorrow?

Ruskell Gone

2009-12-03T10:12:00.000-08:00

Ruskell stepping down

Good riddance. He pretty much gets too much credit for putting together an overrated Super Bowl defense.

If I'm Paul Allen, I give Holmgren a call and ask how many new floors he wants stuck on his house.

Barring a miracle turn around, it's hard to see Mora lasting past the 2010 season in Seattle. I could be wrong, but he was Ruskell's guy. Regime changes like this usually result in a complete house cleaning. Too bad he didn't take that guaranteed job across the lake where everyone would love him.

And just for fun, let's remember The Ruskell Rules.

bye bye Locker

2009-12-02T22:45:00.000-08:00

Number 3

...and....

Number 2

...and....

Ooh...number 6

...wait...one more reason

number 5

We all know how accurate these are. I am sure Kiper is all dialed in on this as well. I will put in a phone call to Kiper myself.

Tactical Nuclear Penguin

2009-12-01T13:35:00.000-08:00

Tactical Nuclear Penguin from BrewDog on Vimeo.

These crazy Scotsmen made a 32%ABV cask aged imperial stout.They brewed it, aged it for a year and a half, then put it in a -20C ice cream freezer to decant it without the (water) ice. It's 32GBP for a 1/3L bottle here.

Well how about that

2009-11-29T09:09:00.000-08:00

Lets do the same thing to CAL

WIN!!!!

FYI, that is exactly what we should have done. Maybe another 7-10 points but I think the big old goose egg was better then 50 points. We actually looked and sounded respectable.

Talking Kitty!

2009-11-27T20:48:00.000-08:00

CLAP, CLAP, CLAP CLAP CLAP!

Washington announces 2022 commitments

2009-11-25T11:10:00.000-08:00

#36 Sevillia. Starting middle linebacker.

Your Happy Thought for the Day

2009-11-23T20:14:00.001-08:00

The Seahawks might be awful, but the Broncos are on a 4 game losing streak, too.

Is it too soon to start looking forward to the draft? And hoping Mel Kiper gets a little too close to a stage light during the draft coverage and his hair catches on fire? That could be sweet: Two top 20 picks AND that prick gets incinerated on live TV. Think about it and try not to smile.

I Make My Return

2009-11-18T08:03:00.000-08:00

It's been a while, but this requires my attention. Let's give it the FJM treatment.

sports metrics and the problem with unconventional wisdom

I like a title written completely in undercase letters. It lets me know it's gonna be good. It's like the author doesn't even care. And he goes by Freddie.

The more that I think about it, the more that I think the “metrics” school of sports analysis is the perfect example for understanding the limitations of insurgent intellectual movements. I have never known any ideology, group or position so likely to throw the baby out with the bathwater than the movement often (and unhelpfully) referred to as the “Moneyball” tendency.

This opening paragraph pretty much sums up the author has no business writing about sports. You aren't Damon Runyon, Freddie. Go on back to HuffPo and bitch about flu vaccines and beat your dick to socialism.

And this particular argument cuts both ways. A lot of frustration for the stat heads comes from the stubborn, arrogant ignorance constantly displayed by their counterparts.

That sucks, because I find the new metrics in sports, and particularly in baseball, to have an awful lot of useful, generative ideas about strategy, about talent evaluation, and about sports appreciation. But it’s sometimes so buried in such absurd, over-the-top “us-vs.-them”-ism that it becomes very difficult to separate the wheat from the chaff.

Yes, like this article. The first and second sentence stand in pretty sharp contrast to one another. You are either choosing the "them" side to be contrary, or you're just an idiot. Or both.

It is indeed true that OBP was for a long time a criminally underrated stat; it is not true that “a walk is as good as a hit”. (Just ask the coach with a man on third and two outs playing a team with a great double play combo.)

And...swing and a miss! You get a prize for completely missing the point. For someone claiming to have such a great appreciation for these new ideas, your understanding (or lack thereof) of this particular not-so-new idea is stunning. I will give you the blog equivalent of talking very slowly and simply.

First of all, who the fuck cares if the opposing team has a great double play combo if there are two outs? Christ Freddie, you are trying to spout cliches and failing.

OBP is not, and never has been, pumped as a situational stat. A team is going to have thousands upon thousands of at bats during a season and picking a single AB to try to prove a point demonstrates a fundamental lack of understanding of statistics. The point of OBP is not that a walk is as good as a hit; it's that a walk is better than an out.

Anyone who watches baseball knows that the idea that a hit is better than a walk is often taken to extremes during a game. A player will take swings at bad pitches rather than take a walk. That's advantage pitcher at a critical juncture in the game.

Any sabermetrician will tell you that the optimal outcome of an AB is a home run. It's really not up for debate. The point of OBP is to not make outs, but more importantly it is statistic that can be projected for future seasons and is strongly correlated with scoring runs.

That's a long rant on just two sentences, but I think it demonstrates you know not of which you speak, Freddie.

It is true that Joe Morgan says a lot of stupid things about baseball; it is not true that the Fire Joe Morgan crew “knows more” about baseball than Joe Morgan. Who we should choose to listen to about effective baseball strategy is a different question. But who knows more? The guy who played and coached and lived baseball for decades. That’s who. Sorry.

Again with the point missing. And "where" are you getting these "quotes"? "Who" said that Fire Joe Morgan "crew" " 'knows more' " about "baseball" than "Joe Morgan"?

Fire Joe Morgan was started to make fun of the namesake because of the stupid shit he says and the manner in which he continually criticizes Moneyball while refusing to read it. They were fairly equal opportunity by taking shots at many other sports writers and broadcasters as well. Believe it or not, a lot of people take the stupid stuff Joe Morgan says very seriously and this is annoying as hell.

The FJM crew has openly admitted that Joe Morgan derserves to be recognized for his greatness as a player, but that he is ill-suited for this particular broadcast medium. If I were going to get tips on hitting a curve ball or taking a grounder, of course I'd go to Morgan before the FJM crew. But saying he "knows more" is a stupid, shitty statement that is unquantifiable and cannot be proven. And who gives a fuck anyway? If he really does know more, then what he's doing to the game of baseball is criminal, like when he openly tells lies on the air.

I didn't read FJM to learn more about the game of baseball. They have FanGraphs for that. I read it to be entertained by a group of incredibly talented and clever writers making fun of stupid people.

And this is where things go loony. The whole baseball discussion was some kind of non sequitur to bitch about Bill Belichick going for it on 4th and 2 the other night instead of punting. Because, you know, any kind of discussion about sports statistics cannot be had without first taking an unrelated look at baseball.

One argument that I keep hearing about all this is that we can’t take into account the fact that the Patriots, you know, lost the game after Belichick went for it. Listen to Bill Barnwell from Football Outsiders– one of the best and most sober websites in the arena of new metrics, by the way, and one I respect a great deal:

The important factor that the cacophony of responses seems to be missing is that you can’t judge Belichick’s decision by the fact that it didn’t work. As we’ve mentioned more than once in these pages, you cannot judge decisions by their outcome. You have to consider the process that goes into them, and then decide whether they’re right or wrong at the moment they’re made.

Let’s be clear about this: this claim amounts to saying that we should abandon induction as a tool for evaluating choices.

Looks like someone needs a date with the dictionary. I realize that you like to use the word "induction", but wow. I get what you're trying to say Freddie, and it's wrong. What he's saying is that it's stupid to look at what Belichick did and immediately say, "Oh, it didn't work, so it was the wrong decision." The converse applies if they Patriots had picked up the first down and won the game because a lot of writers would be saying, "Wow, so ballsy! That Belichick shows again why he's a genius!" Both are extreme and neither is true.

Now, we’ve know that induction has certain problems as an evaluative tool since, oh, the time of Plato.

Oh look, you mentioned Plato! How smart you must be! And since you mentioned Plato and he understood the problems with it, you've definitely covered all your bases!

But I put it to you that you simply cannot exist as a functioning intelligence without recourse to inductive thinking. You will find it very, very hard to go through your life making decisions if you abandon evaluating the consequences of past decisions.

Of course not. That would be retarded. He's talking about football, not your fucking life. It's human nature to evaluate the consequences of your actions, and I'm sure the Patriots are doing that.

But the HUGE point you are missing is that the decision made by the Patriots WAS formed by evaluating the consequences of many, many, many past decisions. Some very vocal stat heads have been advocating for years now that football coaches, especially those in the NFL, are far too conservative. This is due to a number of reasons, such as habit and conventional wisdom, but also because going against the grain results in a fire storm of criticism if the decision is wrong. And this resulting backlash can cost a coach his job.

Plus, Barnwell is writing this from a site that engages in analyzing sports based on statistics. And what is aggregating statistics but evaluating choices by their outcomes over and over and over again? A coach chooses to run or throw or go naked bootleg or run hound right, hen right, fox right, max protect, ZIP 989 on 2, many times in a season. The FO guys evaluate what happens– they judge those decisions by their outcomes– and then treat the results of those decisions as though they have supreme predictive power.

No, they really don't. You are showing your ignorance again. Intelligent statisticians never, ever act like they have "supreme predictice power" because they understand that NO ONE possesses such a thing. They understand that there is a non-zero chance of them being wrong, just as Belichick understood there was a non-zero chance that they wouldn't pick up the 1st down and lose the game. They build predictive models based the mounds and mounds of data available to them, and use those models to judge the decisions of coaches. Just like you are using "induction" to judge the decision of Bill Belichick.

So which kind of induction is legitimate, and which is not? As is usually true, the power and wisdom of metrics depends entirely on which cherries you pick, which is absolutely true of the conventional wisdom in sports as well. People choose data based on the way it supports their suppositions. Film at eleven.

My irony meter just exploded.

Pleased to be showing an example of where Football Outsiders is cherry picking data? This is by far the most common strawman used by anyone trying to criticize the use of statistics. "Oh, well you're just cherry picking stats to prove your point." If this is true, there needs to be some kind of counter proof or your just talking out your ass. It's easy to criticize use of sabermetrics, but the reason they don't go away is that anyone smart enough to understand them also acknowledges their utility.

Ultimately, the problem with these new metrics is that their apostles are so consumed with the desire to buck the conventional wisdom that they cloud their own ability to reasonably evaluate sports.

Where? Who? How? Are we still talking about Belichick? What new metrics?

Look, this isn't some crazy young coach pulling shit out of his ass and taking crazy risks to make a name for himself. Bill Belichick's accomplishments are fairly well-documented. He is fairly colded blooded and calculating in his coaching, and any claim that he would make a decision just to buck the conventional wisdom is almost certainly false.

Do you know how a sabermetrician would break down the decision to go for it on 4th and 2? Let me give a fairly basic breakdown.

There are essentially five possible outcomes from 2 subsets:
Subset 1, go for the 1st down:
1) Go for the 1st down, succeed, win the game
2) Go for the 1st down, fail, prevent the TD, win the game
3) Go for the 1st down, fail, give up the TD, lose the game
Subset 2, punt the ball
4) Punt the ball, prevent the TD, win the game
5) Punt the ball, give up the TD, lose the game

Each of these outcomes has a non-zero chance of success. But you notice how the first subset has more chances of success than the second? The Patriots and the Colts both have very good offenses, and conventional wisdom would also state you wish to keep the ball away from the Colts. I don't think it's outside the realm of possibility to suggest that the probability that they'd pick up a 4th and 2 is greater than 50%. So chances are they'd already win most of the time going for it. And there is still a chance they keep the Colts out of the endzone if they don't get it.

The real question is are the combined probabilities for scenarios 1 and 2 greater than that for scenario 4. Obviously Belichick thought so, and I will return to your Joe Morgan reasoning where you said, "But who knows more? The guy who played and coached and lived baseball for decades. That’s who. Sorry." Obviously for football, but whatever. And you didn't quote where the guys at Football Outsider said it was the correct decision either.

The tendency to reflexively contradict the conventional wisdom is just as distorting as the tendency to reflexively support it. More so, I would argue; the conventional wisdom is often conventional because it is banally true.

Like what? Examples, please. Prove this statement. You can't. It can really only be tested on a case by case basis using *gasp* statistics. But we'll get stuck in your circle of retardation.

Freddie: This conventional wisdom because it's generally true.
Chad Sexington: Prove it.
Freddie: It's been proved over generations of observation and coaching.
Chad Sexington: That's not a proof.
Freddie: You're just being reflexively contradictive.
Chad Sexington: *Uses stats* These really don't back up what you're saying.
Freddie: You just cherry picked those to prove a point.
Chad Sexington: *Uses more stats* There's really nothing to back up what you're saying.
Freddie: *Picks one example where conventional wisdom applies* See, you're wrong.
Chad Sexington: *Burns internet to the ground*

Believe it or not, statistics are based off of real life events. It's shit that happened and that's a fact. Intelligent and respected coaches, general managers, and sabermetricians try to approach these problems with the intent of gaining an advantage over their peers, not to "reflexively contradict" conventional wisdom. They back up their ideas with numbers and examples and then test their various hypotheses. Claiming that conventional wisdom is true just because it is tells people nothing.

Are there statisticians with agendas? Of course. Are there conventional wisdoms which generally hold true? Yes. But the challenge isn't proving that some are true, it's which ones are true. You don't do that, Freddie. Your half-assed attempt at being objective is insulting to anyone with half a brain and you basically argue against the pursuit of knowledge.

Which is exactly why we should take the valid and valuable criticisms and minor revolutions that go on in insurgent intellectual movements to heart, and use them to our advantage, but to also approach them with a healthy amount of skepticism.

This is true, but you just couldn't resist the back handed slap and once again show your true colors. A lot of these "minor revolutions" are, in fact, very major. It's big money and guys are being paid millions of dollars to pursue, while guys like Bill Belichick have used their knowledge to punch the balls of the NFL up into its mouth. Nice try at a disclaimer though.

Also, have you ever noticed how stupid people respond to criticism of their arguments by answering questions with questions or contending that people are not understanding what they are saying? Freddie reveals himself again in the comments section of the article.

Achievement Unlocked!

2009-11-16T09:05:00.000-08:00

Call of Duty: Secret Spielberg Level Unlocked - watch more funny videos

Well.........that is a pretty good deal on cookies, so I guess it was worth it.

2009-11-05T00:02:00.000-08:00

This week in "Waste, Fraud and Abuse:"

2009-10-28T12:20:00.000-07:00

Just saw this on ESPN.
We are in the middle of a two front war and trying to pass groundbreaking medical legislation and congress is wasting time on this? Can we get some fucking priorities?
The Department of Defense is operating under a continuing resolution still. Might they want to pass funding to allow its continued operation? No, let's worry about head trauma! Are any of these idiots doctors?

At least it's not the Mitchell report...

So.....uh.....Go Phillies!

2009-10-26T11:28:00.000-07:00

Hitler is pretty upset about balloon boy.

2009-10-21T09:42:00.000-07:00

My German isn't that great, but I think the translation is pretty close to spot on.

The First 24hours-24beers Fall/Winter Movie Preview

2009-10-16T08:54:00.000-07:00

Since I'm bored today, I am going to regale you all with my opinions about upcoming movies based on my personal prejudices. And you're all going to like it.

WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE

Did this need to be updated?

Ok, I'm going to gloss over this one because it comes out today and you can go read the reviews which are mostly mediocre. I think Spike Jonze is fucking awesome and I loved Adaptation and it annoys me that it seems like he's just spent two years doing something that turned out average.

Oct 23rd.

Nothing good is happening. Amelia looks fucking boring. Astro Boy contains Nic Cage. It looks like Pinocchio with a bunch of shit. I don't know if its just me, but when I see a movie preview that is straight up CG and it isn't Pixar, I just assume its shit.

Oct. 30th.

I still can't believe Boondock Saints got a fucking sequel. And its subtitled All Saints Day? Fuck you Hollywood. That's dumb as fuck. That movie sucked. Also, what has that guy who played Young Indy been doing the last 10 years? You know what would have been fun? Put him in Indy IV instead of that Transformers nutsack. Also, probably come up with a good idea for an Indy movie. Also, there's something about Michael Jackson coming out. I recommend not seeing that bullshit cash-in and get this instead. The price went up on that like crazy. But he is fucking rocking the shit in that one. Want to see the sickest robot ever? It's at the end. Same tour, same shit. Actually, you can probably see most of the best stuff on you tube. Its gotta be better than watching a fucking rehearsal.

Nov. 6th

Come on, what's not awesome about this? Oh right, that IS a shitty tagline.

The Men Who Stare at Goats. I actually really want to see this. Why? Well, I like George Clooney for the most part, and Ewan McGregor is pretty underrated and oh, Jeff FUCKING Bridges is in it. Despite the inclusion of Kevin Spacey, its gotta be good just for Jeff Bridges being awesome. And they play More Than a Feeling in the trailer. What the fuck don't you like?

The Box. Fuck this. Cameron Diaz (boooo) and the guy who played Cyclops have a moral dilemma. A box will give them a million bucks and kill someone they don't know. It sounds like this worked better as a short story which was written by Richard Matheson. For the unawares out there, Matheson also wrote I Am Legend which got turned into a good movie once (The Last Man on Earth), one of my favorite movies once (The Omega Man w/Chuck Heston) and a pretty crappy movie once that could have been saved if someone had the balls to use the right ending(I Am Legend). He also wrote the thing that turned into What Dreams May Come, which was an interesting movie at least, and one where Robin Williams wasn't totally annoying. I'm sure this will suck.

Nov 13th.

2012. Everyone knows about this already. It's going to fucking suck. Roland Emmerich makes Michael Bay look like Alfred Hitchcock. I included the 70's disaster movie trailer version because it makes the movie look way fucking better. But seriously, don't see this.

Fantastic Mr. Fox. I'm mildly interested in this. It looks like it will have the same problems as people are saying Where The Wild Things Are has. It's not a long book and it looks like its taking a ton of liberties anyway. Which may be ok normally, but I don't like it when they fuck with Roald Dahl. I loved this book as a kid along with pretty much all of his other ones. Another one of my big pet peeves is how they have to make every animated movie full of recognizable actors instead of just use voice actors who are way better at this sort of thing. I don't need Meryl Streep and George Clooney talking out of furry animals. I need voices that make sense. I would rather they just have Billy West do every voice.

Dec 4th.

Brothers. This is a remake. It looks fucking boring. Jake Gyllenhal is a good actor. I don't know what to think of Tobey Maguire and oh look its Natalie Portman. Is anyone else tired of her? Remember when there was that supposed nude scene with her in Closer that got cut? If it existed I'm sure it was for the best. She does like side-naked-covering-the-boob nudity in Darjeeling Limited. It's gross. I pray she keeps her clothes on in this because she still looks way too fucking skinny still. I'm fucking tired of Iraq/Afghanistan soul searching movies. I saw In The Valley of Elah which sucked except for Tommy Lee Jones, who is almost always a fucking badass, and that was plenty. Anyway, its like oh these people are lonely so they're gonna fuck. This is me not giving a shit. People fuck. I'm bored.

Everybody's Fine. I didn't even link it because it looks like shit. "Hey, Deniro, why don't you coast some more? Let's put some more recognizable people in it. There that looks good. Ok, who's ready to make Miramax go out of business? Great, let's fucking do it." Miramax is down to like 40 employees. This is sad to me. Kind of like Orion going under back in the 90's. Except much bigger. That's life I guess. Good move kicking out the founders.

Up In The Air. George Clooney does his Cary Grant-leading man-charming thing. The guy who made Juno is directing. It looks ok. I'm not a huge fan of Juno. I think this guy is only getting places because he's Ivan Reitman's son and because Thank You For Smoking is still a lot of fun. Jason Bateman is also in it. He's been quite the whore lately. That Arrested Development movie needs to get fucking made.

Dec 11th.

The Princess and the Frog. I feel compelled to mention this because I think we can all agree that Disney movies of our youth were fucking excellent and this one looks more like its going to be more like the period of half-assedness that happened after the Lion King. I do think it's awesome that Keith David is doing a voice. (Keith David says he don't wanna wear no fucking glasses.) I think it sucks, however, that Oprah is somewhere in there too. Fuck you, Oprah, your touchy-feely-bullshit is helping Americans enjoy the smell of their own farts. I also feel like a black lead character happened way too late in the game for Disney to not still look like the bunch of racists they are. It's like that year where they suddenly realized Sidney Poitier won a best actor oscar in the 60's and no black men have won it since so they just went ok, Denzel deserves one, what's he in? Training Day. Aw, that movie is bullshit. Whatever, close enough. See, we're not racist now. Give Halle Berry one too. Back to giving it to the old white guys. Aladdin looked white as fuck but what do people get in an uproar about? Oh that song at the beginning says that they'll cut your nose off. Better change that lyric. Hey, who wants to watch Triumph of the Will again?

Invictus. There isn't even a trailer for this yet. Clint Eastwood is going to direct another fucking average movie that will get nominated and jacked off. Morgan Freeman is playing Nelson Mandela. I think to prepare, Morgan should have had his stomach stapled so he wouldn't have been able chew all of the fucking scenery. It all looks delicious to him. Matt Damon is doing something in it too. I can imagine the Eastwood-Damon interaction.

Matt: "Mr. Eastwood, I've never played Rugby, is it cool to stab a guy with a pen? I heard of a guy sticking his finger in another dudes ass but I don't think that's legal."
Clint: "Wha? Did that pretty-boy little pissant sally just ask me a question? Morgan, who the fuck is that kid again? Oh right, he was in that Carl Reiner feature. Yeah. Shut the fuck up and take your direction. I'll direct you, I don't need your stupid ass ideas clouding up my straightforward, plodding narratives about old people."

Is that Oscar buzz? Probably, they need ten of these fucking things now.

The Lovely Bones. Oh boy, Peter Jackson is directing another movie. I really don't care. I think the Lord of the Rings movies were good because of a lot of people and he gets way too much credit for the whole thing. King Kong was ok but didn't really need to be made and the characters didn't make a lot of sense. Adrian Brody is not an action hero. The T-Rex fight was badass though. He's capable of making a good movie so I'll probably netflix it eventually. A good movie being The Frighteners. What the fuck ever happened to making The Hobbit?

Dec 18th.

Avatar. I'm not feeling this one at all. It's taken 945 years for this movie to get made and it looks like a big gay Transformers type thing. I still don't know what the fuck happens except guy in a wheelchair becomes a cat thing and fights stuff. I also hate that the trailer page says "From the Director of Titanic" I don't want to watch a movie from the director of Titanic. I want to watch a movie from the director of T2 and Aliens. I've heard James Cameron is a fucking egomanical asshole and I believe it. I really don't want to watch a bunch of CG fighting. I would be happy if this movie is on the True Lies level of ass-kicking and kaboomification but I'm doubtful.

Christmas (National Jews Go To The Movies Day).

Sherlock Holmes. Maybe. I don't know. Robert Downey Jr. is always good. But Jude Law? Fuck him. Guy Ritchie? Fuck him too. The guy made one movie twice and then some shit that no one liked. Throw some bullshit action in there somewhere.

The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus. Heath Ledger is dead. I don't know if ya'll knew that. Terry Gilliam does weird shit which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. I hear Heath Ledger is in this. So that's pretty weird that he got a dead guy to act in a movie. So there's some behind-the-scenes Weekend at Bernies thing going on here. That's known in the movie business as subtext.

And somewhere from this shit there's supposed to be a best picture? 10 nominations. Jesus.

But there is one ray of hope...

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans. On November 20th, Werner Herzog is going to slap the movie world with his dick. Nic Cage is out of his fucking mind. Put him in a movie where he's supposed to be out of his fucking mind? Yeah, that's what is known as a masterstroke. Werner Herzog is fucking outstanding. Some people are calling this a remake. I don't know if it's meant to be. But there are iguanas, Val Kilmer and Xzibit (who I believe can still drink a whole Hennesey fif. Some call it an illness but he calls it a gif)
Wikipedia:
Abel Ferrara, director of the 1992 film, has been quoted by various media outlets as being very angry about this film. After the film was first announced, Ferrara was quoted as saying "As far as remakes go, … I wish these people die in Hell. I hope they're all in the same streetcar, and it blows up."
When asked later for his response to Ferrara's statements, Herzog stated that he does not know who Ferrara is, saying "I've never seen a film by him. I have no idea who he is." ^[13] At a press conference at the Venice Film Festival after the film's premiere, Herzog said of Ferrara, "I would like to meet the man," and "I have a feeling that if we met and talked, over a bottle of whisky, I should add, I think we could straighten everything out."

Today in Jesus, are you serious?

2009-10-13T15:43:00.000-07:00

First there's this little item that somehow slipped into stores, unnoticed by me or the teeth brushing public at large. Yes, that's foaming toothpaste. See, you don't have the time nor the energy to work your toothpaste into a lather with the toothbrush BY HAND!!!!! Thank God. A solution to a problem no one fucking had is finally here. I just hope it costs more than that shit in a tube. The best part is, I took this in a Safeway meaning convenience is already wherever you are! Fuck.

Aside from that I gotta say that a whole Sunday of watching the NFL has completely saturated me with those fucking Pistachio commercials. They all fucking suck balls. Then I saw this:

How many talentless pieces of shit can they squeeze into these things? Does every single one have to feature someone I forgot about and was then happier as a result? Thank you for reminding me that these people exist. Now, I'm going to never ever eat another pistachio. I don't understand why they couldn't make awesome commercials instead (Emerald Nuts).

The Endless Bounty of the Internet #14

2009-10-08T01:02:00.000-07:00

Yup, that's a barbershop quartet.
Yup, that's the song the Ewoks sing at the end of Return of the Jedi.
Yup, I need to sleep more.

Mike Blowers is a witch.

2009-09-29T02:40:00.000-07:00

So this is pretty impressive. The last M's game I attended, as Jose Lopez was coming up to bat I said out loud (to nobody in particular) "Lopez is going to put a fastball just barely over the fence in left". Now those of us who know a thing or two about Lopez know that this isn't a stretch, but still everyone around me was pretty amazed when it happened exactly like that.

Blowers' comment makes me look like a clown with no knowledge of baseball whatsoever.

I'ma let you finish

2009-09-25T14:28:00.000-07:00

So imaletyoufinish.com is pretty fantastic.

Gettin it in the can......

2009-09-23T20:38:00.000-07:00

1) If this is a repost, sorry. It might have looked like porn and I overlooked it.
2) If this is new to you, damn, I hate the beer, but this commercial is genius.
3) Brett, if I fucked this up just like the other videos I've posted will you fix it for me like you always do? Thx.

Retard Crack

2009-09-20T14:09:00.000-07:00

Much like watching your average horror movie, its the shared opinion of many at least Randall and myself, that arguing about the top-25 polls is for patrons of short buses/SEC fans. That being said, HOLY SHIT WE ARE FUCKING RANKED!!!!! I was thinking we should just get some votes but I guess this is pretty cool. This is just prolonging the weird limbo I've been in for the past 20+ hours where I'm trying to convince myself that, yes, that did just happen. College football is one hell of a lot more fun when we are winning. For the first time in seven years I feel like that can keep happening. Discuss.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHAAHHAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGAHAHAHA

2009-09-19T16:07:00.001-07:00

JAD;FJ;ADLKJF;ADLKFJAD;LKFJN;NCVA;EIDFJCN;DKLNGF;ADSFJNMA;DKNV;DLKFNA;LVKNJGAD;LKFJNM;DLKFN;ADLNCV;ASLDFKJN;DLKANES;LDFNMF;LKAHDJ;JD;LKND;LVADS;LFKJADS;LKFJAEW;IORFJADS;LGHJAEDFK;LJRSI;OTFJADS;LKFJAE;RFJ;DSLGHAES;LKGJA;LRIEFJ;DLVNF;EWIORJD;AESLHJT;EWOFJG;LADJ;EWLAFJPOQEWRJDF;ADLIUGTJAE;LWFHJPOAFITJAEW;OFIANDF;LKGHYEW;DFJA;RLIUJD;FLERWIHD;OJFPHOQWIAEJRF;ARIOGHFJ;ADSLKHGTFPQEOWI;FJVNHAF;LDIRHJ;AEWLFHQEWPOIRFJHGPOIERWUF;GILRHEPRFJDHPOIARJF;DPQOW;IRUFPOEWF

24 Hours, 24 Beers

That's the kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!

Hey, remember SOPA and PIPA?

Shit I didn't even know existed

40 Feet to Discovery or Doom

Husky Basketball 2011-2012. The "are we any good?" edition.

boo hoo it snowed

F$&*ing Badass

SOPA and PIPA blow. As a result, Jameson and I are bored.

how about some JBrew!!!

So R.E.M. broke up

Aw, Cougs......Don't ever change.

Jameson is an excellent ecdysiast

M's Pessimism Runs Rampant, Figgins Organizes Drumcircle @ Seattle Center

Chuck Klosterman Jumps the Shark

Space, Time and DVR Mechanics

The Rational

Geoff Baker is a long winded douchewaffle

Guess who remembered the administrative password, bitches?

Thus begins the Carp era

Stupid People Act Stupid

Chone sucks...na na na...chone sucks

Chad Sexington's Comprehensive Guide to the Seattle Storm's 2011 Season

2008 Seattle Mariners - Where Are They Now?

Dunno what Ben is bitching about

Victoryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Post something, you BASTARDS!

Please say this isn't true:

Now what?!?

Randall does Mel Kiper, Jr.

Everything I hate about the Anaheim Los Angeles Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles USA Planet Earth Angels in one article

More RR-S goodness.

Hey! Steve Kelley! Leave my team the fuck alone!

The Endless Bounty of the Internet #16

Gay Super Bowl Live Blog

2000-2009, a Decade of Comedy?

From Ben

I can't embed the video

Bitches

Brinkmanship

Jesus saves (but apparently dosn't tune his guitar).

Baseball, Baseball, Baseball!

Since we don't have another star freshman running back...

Top ten movies with numbers in their titles (that are one though ten).

FUCK YOU, INTERNET!

Let's Turn Two!

Eat a dick, Steve Kelley

Randall, please tear this man a new one.

Chalk one up for Brett

The Big Hockey Post

Dr. Ochocinco or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Pro Bowl

The Endless Bounty of the Internet #15

Sun rises in the East and other surprises.

FUCK AND YES!

And Jimmy Kimmel weighs in....

Relationships

This is a big deal

I'm just storing this here

The death of real instruments...it has truelly began

*NSFW* Enviromental Disaster!!! Oh Noes!!

National Championship Live Chat

Twitter is finally good for something!

Should Jim Mora be fired?

Randy Johnson Still Kicks Ass

This has to stop

Fuck California

I am fine with this

Rose Bowl Live Blog

We suck again

I wanna start! I wanna close! I wanna work long relief! I wanna start again!

No More Silva?

Mexican navy kills top cartel kingpin in shootout

Howz about doosh injection?

How does Jack Zduriencik make a deal like this???

I said it earlier....

Bullshit!

OMFG MARINERS!

UW-Cal Live Blog

Yo Bitches

Ruskell Gone

NSFW Enviromental Disaster!!! Oh Noes!!